LOL

Shut the fuck up! Don't LOL me.  Back in the good ole days, LOL used to mean, laughing out loud.  Now in the bad new days, it means, you made a joke which i didn't laugh at but I don't want you to feel like an idiot.  Example:

What was really said:

"My teacher is such an idiot.  It's like hello! did you even go to school?"
"LOL, yeah."

What they meant:

"My teacher is such an idiot.  It's like hello! did you even go to school?"
"that's not funny."

The only way to truly know if someone laughed at your joke is if they respond in the following ways:

"hahahahahahaha"
"ha! I literally just laughed out loud."
"Oh fuck, I think I'm dying from laughing so hard. Why the shit did you do this to me?!"

The third one rarely happens, but when it does, you know you had a winner.  What ever joke you made to make that person respond like that, save it and use it with as many people as possible. 

Thank you to KM for bringing this to my attention. Jerk.