Triangle Head Joins A Frat

Here's your weekly dose of Triangle Head

Mr. 3000

Well that was quick.  Looks like PJ Thompson is visitor #3000.  This has been amazing week for Mr. Thompson.  I'm sure he didn't think this week couldn't get better.  Just a few days ago, PJ asked his long time girlfriend, Maren, to marry him and of course she said yes (i mean who wouldn't?)  Then just a few days later, he becomes the 3000th visitor to WHAT.  I'm not sure which one was more exciting for him but I'm sure it was close.  I'd just like to say congratulations to PJ on both accomplishments.  I asked PJ what it meant to him to be #3000 and he kept it simple replying, "BAP."  Spoken like a true champion.  See you at 4000.

# 3000

Here we go! The #2000 hit was Evan Olesh and he was promptly awarded his prize.  We're now looking for the 3000th hit so while you're on this page, scroll down to the bottom and see if its you!  If it is, take a picture of it, and send it to me so  I can put it up here.  Good luck! 

Pac Man

Just so you all know, I added a Pac Man game on the side of the blog.  This is just in case my posts aren't as entertaining as you were hoping, but you still have more time to kill.  And good luck beating my high score. I got  to level 2.

Spreading like the Black Plague (except its being spread by the internet and not fleas on rodents)

Well, we've officially gone international with this mother flipper.  Besides the 24 states that WHAT has been viewed in across the country, we've also been hit in the following locations.

Puerto Madero, Venezuela
London, England
Pune, India
Jaipur, India

I feel like I should say something to show you my gratification.  So I wrote you a poem about how much I appreciate your readership.

Oh my readers, how stupid can you be.
Coming each day, to see what happened to me.
Seriously, there's nothing better to do with your time
Than to read about how, I beat up a mime.
Not cuz he was mean, but that stupid fucking box
Makes me crazy, crazy like a fox
But back to my fans, I owe it all to you
Reading about my win at silent poo.
I talk to clams and play games with God
And you come back every day with a louder applaude
So to you I say thanks, and I leave you with this
My car's getting worse, its now smelling like piss.

Merry Blogmas to all and to all a good night.

I met Cal Ripken Jr Today

What a dick! Seriously, its amazing. He should be proud.

Instant Friends

You know what I've realized? There is an amazing transformation when people holds doors open for you. Whenever someone holds a door for you, you usually give them a formal "thank you." But then, if they open another door for you immediately after, you automatically go to just "thanks." Completely informal and casual. As if them opening that first door makes you friends. In the rare situation that they hold a third door open for you, at least for me, I give them a "thanks," and a kiss on the cheek. Its great. Door opening, the easiest way to make a friend.
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I needed to Study

For the following story, the word poop will be replaced by the word study.  Thank you.

So a couple days ago, I was watching TV when I got this powerful urge to study.  It felt like I had a huge exam to study for, probably because I hadn't studied all day.  I went down stairs and sat at my desk.  At first, I was a little distracted, like I always am when I start to study, so I kinda just hung out for a few minutes.  Then it was time to get down to business.  So I start studying and I realize there is a lot more material than I expected.  I called up to my roommate to have him get me a coffee, as I figured I'd be studying all night.  A couple hours went by and I was finally getting close to finishing the book I was reading.  Suddenly, I checked my book bag and realized I had no paper in my note books.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  What would I use to wrap up this study session if I can't find any paper?  I decided just not to take any notes and hoped it wouldn't come back to haunt me.

Mall Security Guards

So today, I was at the Hanover Mall, continuing my Black Friday domination.  Just outside of Lids, someone spilled some sort of red drink on the floor.  I noticed there was a security guard standing above it, making sure that people didn't walk through it and slip.  I thought that was pretty funny.  If you didn't know it, most security guards have some false sense of power because of their uniform.  Although I can't imagine this security guard having any sense of self respect because, in this instance, he was actually being used as a "Wet Floor Sign."  That's amazingly embarrassing. 

Poll #3

Socks in the shower?! SOCKS IN THE SHOWER?!  What is wrong with you?! Wearing wet socks is the worst feeling in the world.  It's worse than waking up on Christmas morning and realizing your parents forgot to buy you presents and there's nothing under the Christmas tree.  Or for my Jewish friends.  It's worse than waking up on Hanukkah morning and realizing your parents forgot to buy you presents and there's nothing under the Hanukkah tree.

Hmmmm

50 + 30 + 20 = 100%. Free!!!

Rico got molested

Rico my cousin was just trying on a vest in polo and apparently some old woman liked how he looked so she started grabbing him and showing her to her friend. it went on for like 30 seconds until she asked what size it was. Weird. To be continued...
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A parking spot!

Holy shit. 20 minutes and we've finally got a spot. Now its time to go wait in 2 hour lines. To be continued...
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Fucking Black Friday

What the shit was I thinking? For some reason I decided to go to the wrentham outlets to shop at midnight. No idea why. I don't even need to buy anything. Anyway, we got within 2 miles of the outlets at just before midnight. We just pulled into the parking lot and its 1:50 am. I seriously don't know what I was thinking. I've never seen more people in my life. I feel like I'm in that scene in truman show when a billion people wold show up every time he tried to leave. Except instead of leaving town we're trying to buy cheap clothes. To be continued...
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Where is Alaska?

So I'm sitting my grandmothers house waiting for some turkturk. We start discussing my sisters blog and look at the map to see where in the country people have accessed the blog from. So there picture of the United States come up with Alaska in its normal place, up north and west. One of my cousins says, "someone went on from Alaska?" Then one of my other cousins made an amazing comment. To save her from embarassment (spelling?) we'll call her Shmangela. She turns to us and says "that's not alaska! Is it? Isn't it down south?" I didn't know how to react except that I was sad for everyone that just heard that.
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Tough guys

So its thanksgiving and the night has been full of absolute trash. Cuz that's how thanksgiving works. Anyway, so the end of the night comes around and I'm standing in the parking lot of some chinese restaurant next to a car and some kid comes up to me and says "hey I don't wanna be a dick but the owner of this car would be pissed if he saw u leaning on it." Keep in mind we weren't leaning on the car and it was a shitty jeep. So we said, "we're not leaning on it." He yells back, "back up!" We didn't move. He threatened to beat us up because we were within 3 feet of his friends car. I've realized that the true definition of trash is the willingness to fight someone over anything. I'm glad I'm not trash. Here's a joke;

Whay did one snowman say to the other?

It smells like carrots out here.

I'm drunk.
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Holy shit

Its almost midnight and I haven't posted anything all day. I know most of u have been checking every ten minutes and going away with the same disappointed face, but not this time. Here we go.

I'm at a townie bar in stoughton right now and its amazing, there are like 300 people here that I was sure were already dead. Its mind blowing. Not only that but there's another 600 here that have been here every night since 2001.

I wish I had a piece of paper I could hand out every time someone asked me "hey what are you doing these days?". The piece of paper would read, "listen, I don't like you and you don't like me. If I stayed to answer this question we'd be wasting both of our time, so I thought I'd just waste yours. Bye." Theb by the time they read it, I'd already be locked in some painful, meaningless conversation. Good times.
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The New Me

Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to the new me.  It's pretty much the same as the old me, but now I'm allowed to french kiss.

I'll Miss You Finger

Last week, after going fishing, I was putting my boat back into my milky explorer (yup, two months later and it still smells) and I got this tiny little cut on the middle finger on my right hand.  I got home, hopped in the shower and didn't really think much of it.  As the days went by, the cut got a little more painful and a lot redder.  Well, its now been a week and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to amputate my finger.  Here's a picture of it so you know what's really going on.

 

If you've got any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.  Please comment and save my finger before it becomes herpes and then I lose my whole hand.  Save me and my ability to do this:

Emoticons Know Their Shit

As we all know, emoticons are usually used as a way to convey a simple smile, wink, frown, thumbs up, expression of surprise or of anger.  But if you take a deeper look into the world of emoticons, they make some very insightful observations about the range of human emotions.  Emoticons for the most part sum up most of the human emotions and expressions.  But more importantly, they show us that there are some emotional combinations that are incomprehensible to humans.  For example, we have for sadness we have :( and for happiness we have :) . Then for sneakiness we have ;) which is a winking smile.  But notice there is no sad winking face ;(  because lets be honest, who would wink when they're sad? No one. Also, There are shocked faces :o and thumbs up b(^_^)d    (I know its a stretch, just go with it).   But you could scour the internet and never find an emoticon for a shocked thumbs up.  Because, it just doesn't happen in real life.  No one ever reacts to being shocked by giving 2 thumbs up.  It just goes to show, you can learn a lot from little yellow faces that reiterate a point you just made with text. 

Cream Cheese on the Side

As a loyal Dunkin Donuts customer, there is one thing I have learned about ordering bagels from them.  Never ever, ever get your bagel with cream cheese on it.  This is especially important to me because I am the type of person that will spread my cream cheese or peanut butter or mayonnaise for like 15 minutes to make sure it is completely evenly distributed throughout the sandwich.  I mean, if I'm eating a Pizzle Bizzle and Jizzle sangy, I don't one bite to be packed full of peanut butter creaminess and another to be completely lacking of that same sensation! It just doesn't make sense.  I want every bite to be like, "wow, this is the same amount of peanut buttery greatness that I experienced in my last bite."  Ok anyway, back to Dunkin Doozies.  When they claim they are putting cream cheese on the bagel, what they are essentially doing is creating an 8 inch tall sandwich with a 2 pound ball of cream cheese in the middle.  It's like they take absolutely no effort to spread it out what so ever.  And to top it off, those stupid crags don't even give you a knife, as if to say that that is the correct way to apply cream cheese, and they will not aid us in anyway to remedy the situation.  Fuck that.  Either give me a knife, or keep your stupid ass cream cheese balls off my bagels.

Oh and also, fucking shake my coffee bitch.  I'm sick of them handing me a coffee that is black on the top, white on bottom and no napkins to protect myself when I'm forced to shake it up.  Iziots.

My Professor

I think one of my professors just told one of my classmates to shut the fuck up.  It was awesome.

I ate Something...

I woke up today and i was starving.  I ran up stairs, grabbed what I thought was a muffin and scarfed that shit down.  Turns out it was actually an 8 year old boy.  You'd think I would've noticed by like half way through but I really had no idea. I was so hungry.

BO 2

Are people with BO following me around? I don't get it. Do they think I have a lufa and some body wash that they can borrow and use to remove the stench of friendlessness? I'm still at Barnes and Noble and this guy just sat about 4 feet from me. Weirdly enough tho, it seems as tho his BO sat directly on my lap and kissed me on the lips. If this wasn't bad enough, he's weird on top of it. He sat down with 5 books and 4 magazines. Oh, holdon, these two stories are coming together. One of the books is called "the divorce remedy." If the author of the book knew this man the table of contents would be as follows:

Chapter 1
Take a shower.

Chapter 2
Do it again

Chapter 3
Stop following Adam
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Barnes and Noble 3

People are weird. There is a couple sitting next to me. The man has two braided ponytails down to his nips, wearing black corderoys and cowboy boots. His wife is wearing purple leather pants and a hat with a feather in it. They are sitting in the same chair, reading a book about astrology amd humming the same song. Weird.
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Barnes and Noble 2

People are weird. There is a woman sitting next to me. She is wearing white sneakers, high white socks, white american eagle shorts, a white t shirt, a white zip up sweatshirt, a white jacket and a white scarf. Weird.
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Barnes and Noble

People are weird. I'm currently oin the bathroom at Barnes amd Noble. I'm writing because I just witnessed something odd. The guy in the stall next to me just finished up his business. But he picked up hos barnes and noble bag and put on his jacket before wiping. Weird.
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Sun glasses

Well this is awesome. What a nice little treat for me. So I'm at barnes and noble and I see this guy bending over to look at a book on the bottom shelf. You know how some times you lose ur balance when you're bent over that far? Well it happened to this guy, but that's not all. As he lost his balance his sunglasses fell off of his head and happened to land directly where his foot was about to land. So recap this guy bent over to check out a book, lost his balance and crushed his sunglasses. Awesome.
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2000th Hit.

So, I'm looking at my hit counter at the bottom of the page and I see us creeping close to number 2000.  I want to know who my 2000th hit was.  So, while your reading this, please scroll down and check to see what number you are.  If you're lucky number 2000, I want you to comment on this post and let me know so I can get you your prize. 

Tenacious D

I just remembered another little tidbit from last night.  I'm not sure what bar this happened in, but I know it happened near the front door.  Not sure if that helps.  Anyway, I'm standing next to this girl, not talking to her.  All of a sudden, the song, Fuck Her Gently by Tenacious D came on and I flipped the switch.  I spun this girl around, looked her deep in the eyes and started singing Fuck Her Gently at the top of my lungs, right in her face.  It was amazing. Not because, I knew all the words, because I didn't.  And not because I sounded great, because I didn't.  But because she was looking back at me and it was as if I was Andrea Bocelli singing the most beautiful love song ever.  The look on her face was absolutely priceless.  I've never seen a girl more mesmorized by the line, "What's your favorite dish? I'm not gonna cook it but I'll order it from Zanzabars!!!!!!"  The best part about it?  She was finishing my lines but not singing them, kind of like whispering them to herself because she was in awe of me.  I don't think I said anything to her after the song ended.  We just went our separate ways.  But I'm pretty sure, for those 3 minutes, that girl thought I was her soul mate.

Bitches

12:30 AM:   
 I hate girls who think they are hot. Fuck them. I'm at a bar right now. I ordered a drink and as I walked away some girl tried to grab my drink out of my hand. I said "what are you doin?" And she said "you should give me your drink." Fuck her. No matter how hot she was I would have said the same thing. I said "listen, I know guys think ur hot but ur not hot enough to for me to give my drink to." Then she had the balls to get mad and call her friend over and say, "can u believe this guy won't give me his drink?" Her friend said to me "omg just give her your drink!" I turned to her and laid the law down. I said "listen, you could be the best looking girl here but I wouldn't give you my drink becuase ur such a bitch. The more you think you deserve a drink from a guy, the less people think of you. That's just how it goes." Fuck girls.

9:18 AM:

Holy Shit! I totally forgot this happened.  Thank god I posted it last night.  I just got so mad when I read this.  I can't believe I didn't dump my drink on that bitch's head.  Oh boy I'm so pissed right now I'm going to punch something.  Shit, come on. What are the odds I'd be sitting next to a nun when I decide to punch something.  I gotta go get some ice.

Today at Bueno y Sano

So, it's around 330, I skipped lunch and breakfast and so I clearly had the hunger. I thought to myself, what could I eat right now that would include beans, rice, cheese, chicken, guacamole, sour cream and a tortilla wrap.  It took me a while to put it together but I decided to get a burrito from Bueno y Sano.  So I ordered, paid and as I was leaving, a woman came in the door.  She looked a little disheveled and a little wobbly and said, "excuse me."  Here we go.  She says, "I have an overactive bladder and my medicine is really expensive.  I'm not from around here and I can't get to my doctors office."  I'm thinkin to myself, what the hell is this woman talking about. She continues on, "do you think you could help me?" I look at my friend, then back at this woman, then back at my friend, then back at this woman.  Finally I said, "I don't know what you're asking for.  Do you want bladder medicine?"  I legit thought that was what she wanted.  It wasn't.  She just wanted money so I dropped two bones on her head.  Weird part was that I had just picked up my prescription of Detrol LA.

Poll #2

Just so you know, when asked if you would rather have no knees or no elbows,  66% of you said you would rather have no knees while the other 33% said you would rather have no elbows. 

For the people who said they would have no elbows, answer me this.  How do you plan on:
1. eating
2. putting on deodorant
3. wiping after dookies
4. doing your hair
5. scratching any part on your body above your thighs
6. picking your nose?

Idiots

BO

How is it possible for people to have such BO that you can smell them as they walk by you?  I can't figure it out.  If I can smell you from 3 feet away, can't you smell yourself?  Your nose is 8 inches from your armpit (depending on nose length, height, and neck length) and you can't smell yourself?  Yet I'm 36 inches away and I feel like you're BO is punching me in the face and raping me.  It shouldn't be allowed.  BO should be a misdemeanor offense and should be fineable. $100 per armpit that gives off an odor noticeable from 3 feet away.  I'll send this link to congress so that can get started on passing the law.

My roommate

Wow. I'm kind of at a loss for words.  One of my roommates just went into the bathroom and took a poop.  He then realized that there was no toilet paper in the bathroom.  Instead of yelling for us to help him out, he just wiped with a towel.  Then didn't throw it out.
 

$10 Raffle Winner!

Well it's final.  The $10 raffle has finally come to an end.  We had 23 contestants, 2 winning a double entry, so the odds of winning were actually 25:1 for most of you.  Let's get to it.

The winner of the first annual $10 Raffle is..................................................

Melissa Maxwell of  Farmington Hills, Michigan is our winner! Melissa entered the contest with this comment:

Name: Melissa Sue Maxwell
Eyes: Hazel

My Favorite TV Characters:
10. Andy Botwin-Weeds
9. Chandler Bing-Friends
8. Barney Stinson-How I Met Your Mother
7. Eric-Entourage
6. Nate Fisher-Six Feet Under
5. Dwight K. Schrute-The Office
4. Bill Haverchuck-Freaks and Geeks
3. Buster Bluth-Arrested Development
2. Mr. G-Summer Heights High
1. Charlie Kelly-It's Always Sunny


Congratulations to Melissa!

I found God

He was hiding under my bed all along.  We started playing a game of hide and seek like 3 days ago and I just could not find that son of a bitch anywhere! I looked everywhere.  Noah's Ark, the Garden of Eden, Gotham City, in the attic, in hell (that was a long shot) and I just couldn't find him.  Finally, I thought to myself, If I was God, where would I be hiding.  Well, it turns out he wasn't in Carmen Electra's pants either.  But then I thought to myself again, I was God, and I wasn't in Carmen Electra's pants, where would I be hiding.  Then It hit me.  And I was like hey, It, why the fuck did you just hit me?  What could I have possibly done to deserve that?  And Cousin It from Addam's Family just shrugged his shoulders and left.  That's when I realized it, God's under the bed!  Just like the bible said on page 241, "And He hiddeth under thy bed, and it was good."

Battle of the Silent Poops

I'm not sure if it's just me or not, but when I do #2 in a public bathroom, I try to be as quiet as possible if there is someone in there with me.  I'm not sure why I get so self-conscious about loud bowel movements but I just feel like its my duty (pun intended) to keep it to myself.  So anyway, I just went into the mens room, grabbed my favorite stall and sat down.  The other stall was currently occupied.  So me being the way I am, I decided to just sit there and hang out quietly until he left.  Well, apparently there's at least one other person at Umass that has this same belief.  He refused to make a move.  We both sat there in silence, with a total understand of what was happening.  I decided to test the waters, and see if I could take care of business silently.  I couldn't so I put a stop to that immediately.  The silence continued for another minute or two until the other guy just got up and left.  You better believe, I wasn't risking another battle.  I've got two midterms this week that I need to study for so I couldn't afford sitting on a toilet silently for 2 hours so I went to town on that bad boy before anyone else came in.  It wasn't the best I've ever had, but i took consolation in the fact that I won that battle.

Double Entries

As I mentioned in the rules of the comment contest, which you can still enter for the next 12 hours, any comments that were especially funny, would get that person entered in the raffle twice.  Well we had 2 such comments and here they are.


#1
From: Tom Malvesti of Quincy, MA

Fact: Went to the doctors a few days ago and the nurse proceeded to take my sons temp rectally.. When she got it in my little man erupted projectile poop and out came the thermometer and poo all over the place. I jumped back about three feet and the little guy got me all over my pants. touche little one touche.
Note: Nurse didnt wear gloves serves her right
Question: Adam are you inventing thermometer mini bombs? If so, was that a test trial? or pure coincidence?


 #2.
From: Derek Miller of Whitman, MA

Fact: Goldberg's birthday was a few weeks ago. We went to the pub, we all got mangled and forgot about him. Chase woke up the next morning with a phone call from Goldberg asking him to pick him up from the hospital. He didn't know what happened the night before, who dropped him off, or why he was there. Turned out he was walking in the middle of Somerville and a cop pulled him over. The cop asked him if he had been drinking. Goldberg responded, "Guess how many beers I've had." Mystery solved.



Remember, the contest ends at 10 PM tonight and the drawing will happen at some point tomorrow night.  Good luck. 

List of Things I can Say in Russian

...

Aliens Abducted Me

Ok, so I'm walking down the street, jammin out to some Ace of Base, when all of a sudden, absolutely nothing happened, so I just continued on down the street.  Then all of a sudden again, this bright beam of light illuminates everything around me, and I was like holy shit! The suns coming up.  This story began at about 6:52 AM.  Anyway, so now that I can actually see my surroundings,  I realize that I wasn't actually walking down a street, but actually I was running down a street.  After about another minute, I was exhausted so I started walking.  All of a sudden, an Super Craft 747 flies down from the heavens and begins hovering above me.  A small silver door opens up and a ladder comes falling down from the opening.  At the bottom of the ladder was a note that read, "Hi, I am the son of a Nigerian Prince.  My father left me a large sum of money that is inaccessible at this time.  Here is a check for $100,000 if you don't believe me.  Come on up and we can discuss this further."  Well I'm thinking to myself, this seems perfectly legitimate, I'm in.  So I climb up the ladder and I'm immediately welcomed by Pierce Brosnan. We shake hands, embrace, arm wrestle, trade tamagotchis, discuss different weight bearing wall structures and then sit down.  A few minutes later, I see the silhouette of a strange figure appear before me.  I freaked out. I ran over to him, punched him in the dick twice and jumped ship.  Fuck silhouettes.

34 Hours to Enter

So as many of you know, the $10 Comment Raffle will be ending at 10 PM Monday, November 15, 2009.  This gives you just under 34 hours to enter the contest.  The rules are simple.  Click here and you'll be directed to the comment raffle posting.  Remember, if you win, you will have your picture taken with the check and that will be posted on the blog.  So if you enter, be prepared to become an overnight celebski.

Triangle Head Goes Trick or Treating

Here's your weekly fix of Triangle Head.

Adam Goes to the Library

The title of this post sounds like the title of a childrens book.  It's not though.  It's just a post on my blog.  Idiot.  And it's a lie as well.  I never went to the library.  Holy shit you totally fell for it.  You just got punk'd mother franker!  Man that was awesome.  Ashton! Come on out! 

Okay, so enough about that.  So I'm in the Isenberg Building right now and I'm walking by one of the study rooms and I see this guy sleeping with his head on the desk and I think to myself, this is a perfect opportunity.  So i opened the door quietly, I got right behind him.  I wrapped my hands around his neck and choked him until he no longer consisted of life pulse.  It was crazy.  He totally didn't see it coming.  And I was right, it was the perfect opportunity for my first kill.  I feel like I've really broadened my horizon today. 

ID and CC

Fuck! Just realized I left my drivers license and credit card at the gay bar I was at last night.  I know what you're thinking, "Wow Adam, you're a great magician."  I know.

Hey, Random Person From Chicago

So I wanted to know how many people have actually been to my blog.  I set up  a hit counter.  The problem with that is that it count every time I refresh my blog to see how many people have been to the website.  So what  I did was sign up for Google Analytics. This company tells me how many unique hits I've had but more importantly it has told me WHERE all of my hits have been coming from.  And to be honest, it's been pretty confusing.  Now here's the thing.  If I'm getting hits, I don't care where they're coming from but I'm just naturally a curious person.  These are the hits that have been the most perplexing to me.  Please comment and let me know who you are so I am no longer confused.

Who from Chicago has hit my website 34 times?
Who hit my blog from St. Louis? If it's Nelly, that'd be swell.
Who in Los Angeles has been to my blog 3 times. If it's anyone from The Hills or Laguna Beach, please stop.  

Outsiders

This is what happens when you let other people write on your blog.  You end up with Evan Olesh telling some story about some ridiculously ugly girl whose brother married a mail order bride.  Funny part about it is that the mail order bride doesn't know she's a mail order bride and actually thinks she'll be allowed to go to college.  She also doesn't understand what's happening to her which is kind of sad.  She's been in this country for just under seven weeks and she's been in a "relationship" for just over 5 weeks. Some dickhead white trash idiot has been "dating" this girl for 5 weeks and his "sister" has convinced her they're friends.  (I put sister in quotations because I'm not 100% sure she's actually a human girl.)  She might be just the creature they created to eat all of the fat they have suctioned out of people in Hollywood over the last 20 years.   If you couldn't tell, she's gross.

Drunk night

"Written by Evan Olesh at 3 AM."

I don't want to be here. We met two girls tonight and we're with them right now and they want us to turn up the music. Cryin is one guy who's house we're at but he doesn't wanna talk cuz the one of the girls who wants to strip for hin is definitely a guy.Her name is Guylene...she actually offered our friend from some South American country a strip tease on the spot. She is easies the ugliest human being I/we have ever encountered...and once I saw a person that resembled a Pig....I called him pig man.....then Matt Damon came over. It was a blast.

Anyway, there is no telling how long these ugly chix will be here. Right now we are eating pizza from the worst pizza place on the planet. We also have some sort of soggy sandwhiches..no bueno. Not to mention one of the girls does not even speak english. WTF?! I blam the Knox Family. I think they are leaving...or at least

Well one of my friends roomates brothers just asked me to borrow a jacket. Every jacked he asked for I denied...then he told me that all of the jackets he had at his disposal were "gay." Shocking...

Anyway, Ilene went with him outside..we shoud lock the door. GENIUS! The semi-hot asian chick is still on the couch. JC may try to bang her. I AM DRUNK!!!

I'm on a Boat Bitch!

So, I bought a boat today. It's awesome and I'm going to catch the biggest fish in the world every day for the rest of my life, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.  Instead I'd like to talk about the teeth of the guy who sold it to me.  They were horrifying.  Like if you saw something that was horrifying, and you described it to me, and I also thought it was horrifying, it would remind me of that man's teeth because of how horrifying they were.  He was missing his front two teeth, sort of.  He had these two little blue teeth coming out of his gums from like half an inch higher than they should have been.  And he had a few more of those random blue things sticking out above some of his other teeth.  I couldn't tell if they were actually teeth or if maybe his mouth just absorbed his braces.  All I know is those teeth will haunt my dreams for at least one night, possibly two. 

"I'm from Brockton!"

This morning while walking to class, something amazing happened to me that really made me wonder what is wrong with people.  I was crossing the street and I saw this kid crossing the street from the other side and all of a sudden, it was like I was moving in slow motion.  I was watching this kid walk towards me.  He was a classic geek.  Glasses, old school-over the head headphones, crew neck sweat shirt, back pack riding high on back with a strap buckled across his chest, straight leg blue jeans and a walk  like that of a man with poopie in his pants.  I was wearing my Stoughton Baseball Sweatshirt.  Just as he was about to walk past me, he took a sharp step in my direction and pretty much yelled in my ear "Meh! I'm from Brockton!"  (For those of you who don't know, those are neighboring towns)  I immediately laughed but quickly composed myself and said "Okay!"  I didn't know what else to do.  I never broke stride, or looked at him or anything. When I looked back on it, it actually happened amazingly quick.  He was walking towards me. "I'm from Brockton!" "Ha! Okay!" And then he was gone.  To be honest, I hope that someday I will see him again because I really want to make sure that he knows I don't care where he's from.

List of things I Did today

1. Woke up at 11.
2. Watched 2 episodes of Monk with Emmy Award Winning Tony Shaloub
3. Ate a bowl of cereal.
4. Got back into bed and watched 7 more episodes of Monk
5. Posted on this blog.
6. Made a grilled cheese and made Bean and Bacon Soup.
7. Ate a grilled cheese and a bowl of bean and bacon soup.
8. Got back into bed and watched 2 more episodes of Monk.
9. Wrote this post.

To be honest, this was one of my more productive days.  As my favorite elementary school teacher always told me, "Don't tell your parents about this, it can be our little secret."

Late night.... emailing?

You know, a lot has happened late at night after drinking.  I've thrown up. I've walked 5 miles to get home. I've sent ridiculous texts and made embarrassing phone calls.  I've destroyed buff chick calzoney balboneys.  I've peed in a girls dresser. I've slept in my car.  I've sliced my foot open on a broken jar of salsa.  And I've even kissed a girl.  But last night was the first time that I got home and decided to write an email.  I don't know what the purpose of the email was or how I could've possibly thought any of this made sense but never the less, I sent it.  I actually wouldn't have even known about it but one of my friends apparently heard about it and then told me.  So here it is.

Subject: Did you plat like a champ?

listen, this is taking all of my energy to write this to you but in doing so all I want to say is thank you for putting forth your best effort while playing pool with me.  while writing this letter i realized that we might not have actually played together. if this is true then clearly my subconscious  enjoy playing with you with is a big step since my subconscious usually hates everyone.  i need to go to sleep now because i am losing control of my liimbs. i hope you enjoy my blog and enter the contest. Good night super friend. (i called u super friend because ur my friend and I'm super, i thought it was fittting.

Hmmm...

Hair Decreases, Mascara Increases

So I realized today that there is a strong correlation* between how bald an old woman is and the amount of mascara she wears.  It's like the more hair she loses, the more she covers her face with a black sharpie.  My only explanation is that they are thinking that the more they look like they just stepped out of a steam bath, the less we'll notice her hair.  Who knows though.


* Correlation - A procedure which measures the strength of the relationship between two (or more) sets of measures which are thought to be related.
(In case you were confused)

When I'm in Class

I realized today that when I'm in class, I might as well be not in class.  At least when it comes to finance.  I've got no clue what is happening.  I've been in this class for three weeks.  I have 2.5 pages of notes and 400,000 questions.  I never know what my professor is talking about.  But I feel like there are a couple of simple explanations. 1). I'm three weeks in and once again I still don't have a text book. (Went through my entire Human Resource class waiting for my text to come in the mail.) 2). I spend class either posting to this blog or talking on G chat which usually has an average of 4.26 chats open at once.  3).  A combination of 1 and 2. Either way, it's time a make a change.  I cannot continue on in this class without paying attention and still hope to get a good grade.  So it's final, I'm dropping the class.

$10 Comment Raffle

Here we go.  This is the first official contest on WHAT.  One week from today, anyone who has commented on this specific post will have their names put in a hat and I will pick one person who will win $10 American Currency.  Comments can be about anything or nothing, your choice.  Just get some ink down.

The Rules:

• Commenters must be followers. (For help becoming a follower refer to In Case You Were Wondering)
• Comments must be one of the following:
  
• funny
• a compliment of my book bag
  
• an interesting fact (it can be made up)
  
• a list of your top 10 favorite tv characters
• video of you punching yourself in the face
• If the comment is especially funny, you will be entered into the drawing twice.
  
• Comments must include full name and eye color.
• No repeat comments allowed unless they are combative towards another comment.

Payment:

• The winner will have the option of receiving a lump sum of $9 or a monthly payment of $1 for a period of 10 months.

Odds:

• Estimated odds of winning are 20:1

Good luck!

Lady Bugs

So I'm sitting in my living room watching tv and all of a sudden this lady bug that was flying around my head landed on my coffee table.  I saw my opportunity and took it.  Straight up punched it right in the face.  Let that be a lesson to all of you.   Don't fly around and land without making the proper communications to the air traffic control tower.

Conversation I Just Had with my Cousin

 Just a little back ground information.  I am Adam.  I have  cousin named Rico.  He has a girlfriend named Lidia. Lidia gave Rico Patriots tickets for their anniversary.  This conversation took place with one of my other cousins who I don't want to embarrass, so we'll call her Shmatrina.  Ok! And we're off!

Shmatrina: Adzum.  How was the pats game!!!!
Me: um.... good?
Shmatrina: oh, not "so funnn"?
Me: i mean, it was a normal pats game.  do you think I was there?
Shmatrina: Didn't you go with rico?
Me: haha no, lidia did.
Shmatrina: hahaha oh.  my mom said u were going.  I thought he called you lids cuz you wear hats.
Me: Oh my.

That was fun. 

Chronicles of Triangle Head

Well, as some of you may know, for the past couple years, I have been drawing a comic strip entitled Chronicles of Triangle Head.  It's about a young boy, with a triangle shaped head and the different adventures that he gets himself into.  I'll be posting a different Triangle Head comic every week starting today.  If you have any suggestions for other Triangle Head adventures feel free to drop a comment on me. 

Class Right Now

I'm in class right now.  There are currently 35 people in this room.  I want to punch 80% of these people directly in the face.  That's 28 out of 35, I think.  Yup, it is.  Just went to calculator.com.  Anyway, I don't know if I can control this urge.  I especially want to do it when people talk to me.  It's like "Hey Adam, how was your weekend?" And I'm like, BOOM! Left hook!!! Just blew up your orbitals!!!!! Now what? Now nothing.

Traffic and talking clams

So I'm driving back to school tonight and I hit a ton of traffic. Traffic sucks and I didn't feel like dealing with it so I pulled over to have a picnic on the side of the road. I layed out a blanket, set out my food and lit a couple candles, vanilla bean scented candles from bed bath and beyond. While sitting there enjoying my gourmet french cruller I noticed a clam next to me. Pretty average clam. About 8 feet across wearing white paco shorts and a FILA t shirt. I asked him if he wanted to join me and he said no. That pissed me off. I reached out to this clam, being the nice guy that I am and he was a dickhead. I wasn't going to stand for this. I kicked him in the head and told him he was mean. He was shocked, but I could tell he felt bad. He apologized and offered me a glass of merlot as a peace offering. It was a 2005 with an oaky undertone. He probably shouldve opened it sooner as a wine like that needs to breathe but I didn't mind. We ended up having a great conversation. Turns out he's got a son majoring in art history at suffolk university and a daughter who's a senior at needham high school. She's already gotten into roger williams but she's waiting on bryant. He seems pretty optimistic about her chances but who really knows. Anyway, traffic lightened up and I went on my way. He left me with some parting words that will stick with me for the rest of my life. He lit his pipe, took a small sip of his third glass of wine, slowly looked up at me and said, "when you're a clam, life is easy because you don't need a job or have to pay bills, you're a fucking clam." I know what you're thinking.
"Wow, that is deep."
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Incase you were wondering

So apparently, people with a lot of "followers" actually get paid by this website.  The terms are that if I get 1 billion followers, they will pay me $1 per month for a maximum of 8.5 months.  So if we really get this going, I could make up to $8.50.  Let's get serious about it eh?  If you have a google, yahoo, or AIM account, you can "follow" it by clicking the link on the right.  That's all for now.  I'll leave you with a couple words of wisdom that have guided me through this crazy world.  "When stuff happens, and you're like, 'oh snap,' just high five someone and be like, 'hey come here.'  Then they'll be like, 'sup,' and then say, 'i know like what!' Then everything will be all Canada Dry Gingerale.  For realsies."  Hope that helps.

Put your finger away

Why is it that people still think flipping off the camera is cool.  I just can't figure it out.  It's like saying, "Dear Viewers of this Picture, my name is Douchey McToolstein, and I'm announcing my candidacy for president of the Trying to Look Like a Bad Ass But Failing Miserably Association. (TLLBABFMA)"  I have a feeling they're going to have to change that name.  Either way, it needs to stop.  Once you've graduated high school, or at least gotten your GED, as is the case of most of the photo flippers, it's time to put that finger away and figure it out.  If you know someone who is a photo flipper, or if you are a photo flipper yourself, please consult this Educational video

Last nights post and Cornell

I can't figure out what is more ridiculous. The fact that I wrote that post last night at 2 AM, wasted, in the back of a car and didn't make any spelling mistakes or the fact that I was 100% positive that the entire post was comedic gold when I re-read it. And yes that even included the condom part which I apparently found especially funny. Well to quickly change the subject, I was just in the post office and saw a married couple. The woman was wearing a very formal pant suit and the man was wearing a skin tight cornell football jersey tucked into his jeans. Weird.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Late night chinese food

So I'm at a Chinese food restaurant. Is that how u spell it? I think it is. Actually... the woman behind the bar said it's not.  Ugh, I don't know who to believe, she seems sneaky. I looked it up on Wikipedia and it said it's Restaurant.  These guys are silly. (these guys equal pat, kyle, and eric.)  Pat was wearing a white shirt and white pants.  I can't be positive but I think Eric was wearing an "ultra ribbed exstacy trojan condom", which seems to be all the rage.  Anyway, Eric just ordered seven orders of chicken fingers and 1800 lbs spare ribs and it came to $7.29. That's can't be true.  I did some research and the only reason it can't be true is because it isn't true.  I realize that this might not make sense, but right now it's 2:04 AM and it makes an extraordinary amount of sense to me.  Anyway, these guys are just bad at math.  Either way, I'll finish this on the walk home. Shi shi ni. (I think that's chinese for "thank you" but I cant be sure.) I could be sure if I cared, but i don't. In case you were wondering, I have sleep apnia, and my snoring actually wakes me up during the night.  If you know any sleep specialists or any voodoo doctors that could fix this please let me know.  Also, please let me know before tomorrow at 10 AM when I wake up and realize what the fuck I've actually been writing for the past 2 hours.  Well I'm going to pass out now but I'll leave you with the same advice my mom left me with when I moved to college... "If your roommate is bigger than you and he tries to rape you, just bite your lip and go to a happy place in your head."  Holy shit that's bad advice.

Waking up

Well. I woke up today. That's now 8875 days straight that I've woken up. I'm getting sick of it. Not only that, but I can't even remember the last time I woke up to something awesome. When am I gonna wake up to the sound of a dinosaur tickling a bear? When will I wake up to see Raffi on my futon playing Baby Baluga? I can't really say. Hopefully these are the questions that will be answered in National Treasure 3 with Nicholas Cage.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Decisions, Decisions

We've got OJ, soda, purple stuff, Sunny D?

Milky Explorer

It's been just over a month since I left a gallon of milk under my backseat for a week, half of which ended up in the carpet.  The smell is getting stronger each week and i'm not sure what to do.  I tried scrubbing, shampooing, and bleaching and I've got nothing.  I can't figure it out.  How is it possible that I shower once a month and never smell bad, yet I wish my carpet every day and it just smells worse.  This is more confusing than getting the straw into a Capri Sun for the time.

November 6 and the Frog

I ran over a frog today in my driveway. I can't imagine what he was doing there. Well I actually can, I imagine he was running for president of the frog plumbers union and he was on his way to the campaign headquarters which I imagine was somewhere in my yard. Possibly it was under the bushes? I can't be sure.