Cream Cheese on the Side

As a loyal Dunkin Donuts customer, there is one thing I have learned about ordering bagels from them.  Never ever, ever get your bagel with cream cheese on it.  This is especially important to me because I am the type of person that will spread my cream cheese or peanut butter or mayonnaise for like 15 minutes to make sure it is completely evenly distributed throughout the sandwich.  I mean, if I'm eating a Pizzle Bizzle and Jizzle sangy, I don't one bite to be packed full of peanut butter creaminess and another to be completely lacking of that same sensation! It just doesn't make sense.  I want every bite to be like, "wow, this is the same amount of peanut buttery greatness that I experienced in my last bite."  Ok anyway, back to Dunkin Doozies.  When they claim they are putting cream cheese on the bagel, what they are essentially doing is creating an 8 inch tall sandwich with a 2 pound ball of cream cheese in the middle.  It's like they take absolutely no effort to spread it out what so ever.  And to top it off, those stupid crags don't even give you a knife, as if to say that that is the correct way to apply cream cheese, and they will not aid us in anyway to remedy the situation.  Fuck that.  Either give me a knife, or keep your stupid ass cream cheese balls off my bagels.

Oh and also, fucking shake my coffee bitch.  I'm sick of them handing me a coffee that is black on the top, white on bottom and no napkins to protect myself when I'm forced to shake it up.  Iziots.