Friend Level 1 vs Friend Level 2

I realized a while back that there are two kinds of friends.  Actually, there are three kind of friends.  I knew of two before last night, but I learned about new one and probably the most important one.

Friend Level #1:
These are your best friends. They are fucking awesome.  Nothing can come between you guys.  You pee/poop/shower together and its awesome.

Friend Level #3:
You're friends but none of you really loves the other one.  It's more of a social nicety.  You like each other, but you're not best friends.  You all know it and there's no lost love because of it.

Here comes the tricky one.  The one that causes all the problems.

Friend Level #2:
These are the friends that, for a moment, replace Friend #1.  When Friend #1 is at a different bar, is out of town, or is just being a douche, Friend #2 is the shit! They're awesome.  They're jokes are hilarious!  Their beards are immaculate!  Their pizzas have the perfect amount of cheese and sauce.  Their style is impeccable.  BUT!!!!!  When Friend #1 is back in town, Friend #2 gets a swift kick in the junk and a reminder of his/her place.   Friend #2 gets sent away like he's Buddy the Elf being sent away by James Caan down to the mail room.  It's like if you're Friend #2, no one even wants to answer your phone calls. "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

That Was Rough

So last weekend, me and my friends went down to Providence to celebrate our friend Pat finishing grad school.  We got a hotel room down there and headed over to Dave and Busters for the Arcade Olympics! (which I won of course)  Anyway, while we were there, we were looking to say hi to some girls.  Well, there just happen to be a group of 5 girls our age there.  What a perfect match, they have 5 girls.  We have 5 guys.  It's a more perfect combination than a day off from school and an Ugly Betty marathon.

So me and two of my friends stroll over to these girls.  They had just sat down at a table and there were a couple extra chairs around it.  We grabbed the extra chairs and sat down at the table with them.  I'm thinking to myself, "Alright Adam, time to turn it on.  Let's see what you got."  They make the first move and say, "Um, do we know you?"  Oh, well not the warmest welcome but we can get through it.  We say no but we just wanted to introduce ourselves.  They said, "No thanks," and then the five of them got up and walked away.  I've gotta admit, that was pretty demoralizing.  Jerks.

They Don't Get It

I'm not sure if it's just my family or if it's everyone but for some reason neither my mom nor any of her sisters can truly grasp the concept of youtube.  It's like they know it exists, and they know what it's for, but as far as how it works or why videos get popular, no idea.  Let me give you two examples.

1. So I've been doing my best to keep my mom off of my blog because I know if she read it, I'd never hear the end of it. "Adam! She's going to read that!" "OMG Adam! Can you say that on the internet?" And so on and so forth.  Anyway, I had the blog for about 3 weeks before she found out.  WHen she did find out, and my cousins were telling her that they thought it was funny, she dropped this one on me.  "Adam, you should youtube your blog."  Oh. Um. I don't really know what that would consist of.  I asked her, "Should I just put the text into a video? Should I just take a picture of my blog and put it up?  Or should I read the stories on camera?"  She replied" Whatever, just youtube it."  Ok!

2.  My grandmother had everyone over for Thanksgiving this year which included almost all of the cousins and 9 aunts and uncles.  Of course there was plenty of picture taking going on, especially amongst the cousins.  So all of the cousins got together and one of my aunts took the picture. One of my other aunts looked at the picture and said" Aw, you should youtube this."  I can't imagine how many hits I would get if I put up a single picture of me and my cousins on youtube.  Actually, I guess we can find out.  Here's a video of that picture

This Is Embarrassing

So the other night, after a concert that I went to with my family, we were driving home in my dad's station wagon.  Unfortunately, there were 6 people in the car and so instead of smushing into the back seat, we decided to use that stupid seat in the trunk that faces the wrong direction.  Awesome.  Last week I feel like a 4 year old when I found out I was teething. This week I feel like a 10 year old, facing the wrong way in the back of my dad's car.  Let me tell you, it sucks back there. 

First of all, I dunno if you've actually seen that seat back there, but it's literally about 2 inches thick.  So after about 5 minute, your ass is absolutely killing you.  Second, theres no leg room what so ever.  My knees were like up against the back window.  Unfortunately, they weren't high enough to keep my face protected from the people driving behind us.  For some reason, every person driving behind us that night was between 18-30 years old so they were all flashing their high beams, waving and laughing.  My cousin was pretty brave, she was waving back and practically having conversations with them.  I refused to even look up.  No way I'm making eye contact with anyone while I face backwards in a station wagon.  Then to top it all off, by the time I got home, I was so car sick I could barely stand up. One of the worst 20 minute rides of my life.

Worst Speller Ever

So I have a friend that just cannot spell for the life of her.  It really is absurd.  This conversation took place about 8 months ago but it was so ridiculous that I had to save it and good thing I did because now all of you get to enjoy it.
(Anything in red font was added just now as my own little commentary)

Girl: my dad just broght me dinner im so excited
T D0gg33: watd u get
Girl: lasagia  (and it begins)
Girl: or how ever you spell it
T D0gg33: omg
T D0gg33: try again
Girl: lesangia
T D0gg33: no
T D0gg33: again
Girl: legsania   (this one really caught me off guard, leg? really?!)
T D0gg33: omg ur getting worse
T D0gg33: again
Girl: i cant spell i cant help it
Girl: lisangia   (at least the g is back towards the end)
T D0gg33: nope
T D0gg33: 1 more guess
T D0gg33: then i fucking kill you   (total serious about that)
Girl: hol don
T D0gg33: no cheating
Girl: lesagna
Girl: lesanga
T D0gg33: no and no
Girl: i dont even know how to cheat cuz spell check doesnt know what im tying to spell
T D0gg33: this makes me sad
Girl: im sorry i disapointed you
T D0gg33: im not disappointed, i totally expected it
Girl: lesgania
T D0gg33: like
Girl: im still trying to sound it out
T D0gg33: wat?
Girl: lesanya thats how it sounds
T D0gg33: ive never experienced anything like this
Girl: is that a bad thing   (not a good question)
T D0gg33: i mean
T D0gg33: its not a good thing
T D0gg33: and its even worse that you cant figure out a way to find the spelling
Girl: i cant do it. computer hates me for my spelling
T D0gg33: try google
T D0gg33: wow even google cant figure out wat you want to say
T D0gg33: it makes my heart sad
Girl: lasagna
T D0gg33: WOOOO!!!!!!

This is one of several of these types of conversations.  I'll definitely be putting up another one soon.

Where My Readers At

Just so you guys know, while I'm on winter break and are most of my reades, I'm gonna slow my roll a bit.  I will post to the blog 3 times a week, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Hope you guys are enjoying it, I've got some good ones on the way. 

Asian Pants

So tonight I was at a concert with my family when I saw a walking mystery. I still am scratching my head trying to figure it out. I saw an asian man who looked like he weighed maybe 220 pounds that was wearing the pants of a man that was about 420 pounds. But his pants weren't filled out. It seemed more like his shirt was 40 feet too long and he needed the big pants to tuck in all of the extra fabric. It was seriously so confusing. Picture a pillow case filled with a bunch t shirts. That's wat the front of his pants looked like. I was tempted to just pull his pants off to see exactly what he was hiding down there. For all I know he had a huge stash of cotton candy down there and he was hiding it from me cuz he knew I'd want some. This mystery will be one I carry with me forever.

I Don't Like You're Music

I'm 24 years old and I like music that 24 year olds like. I don't care about how much ur band has been struggling. I don't care that ur band has been indy since the mid 90s. I don't care that u don't like mainstream music. I don't care that "the music" is more important than the music, no one cares but u. I don't care that ur cool with the nobodies. Nobodies make nobody popular so shut it. If u like/ make popular music I'll like u. If u don't I won't like u and no matter what you do it won't change it. Go to bed and be u.

Morning Update: I just woke up and read this post. Apparently I was mad at music last night. I dunno why but I'm sure whatever it was that music did, it deserved this.

You're A Jerk

So I was talking to my friend, Julia, on facebook chat tonight.  At the same time, I was talking to my friend Bryan on Gchat.  Bryan was talking about going out to a bar sometime soon since he just got back from Australia.  Julia was talking about how some girl only liked me cuz she's a tool and she thought tools are attracted to each other.  I know, hurtful right?  Anyway, I decided to switch over to Gchat and call Julia a jerk.  So I typed, 'ur a jerk!"  Then I went back to check on my fantasy football.  I looked back a minute later and Bryan responded with this, "i just want to party with u if that makes me a jerk then so be it."  So I explained to him that that was intended for someone else.  Now I really wanted to call Julia a jerk because she just caused my friend Bryan so much distress! So I clicked on her name extra hard and wrote, "You're a jerk!!"  I went back to my fantasy football ( to see Reggie Wayne score a 65 yard TD, FUCK!)  I went back to Gchat to see this response, "Why because I stopped following your blog?"  This, unfortunately, was no from Julia.  In fact, this was from the second wrong person I sent my, "you're a jerk" message to.  But bullshit! I informed her that the original "You're a jerk" wasn't intended for her but that, in fact, she really was a jerk for unfollowing my blog!  So throughout this whole thing, I called my friend Bryan a jerk who didn't deserve it.  I called Ariel a jerk who, at first didn't deserve it but as it turned out deserved like 5 "you're a jerks."  And I never actually called Julia a jerk.  Total failure on my part.  (I know most of you idiots would have just said, "FAIL" at the end of this post, but I'm not a tool so I didnt.  I will, though, make that the subject of a future post.)

Story Time: Most Embarrassing Moment

So, I was watching a tv show today where people talked about their most embarrassing moments and it got me thinking.  I decided to write a post about my Ultimate Christmas Wish List.  But I'm going to save that for later.  For now, I'll just tell you all about my most embarrassing moment.

It was a warm July afternoon back in 2003 and I was playing for the struggling Hanover Indians.  The coach's name was Ken Tocci, who also happened to be my JV coach a couple years back.  He loved me and let me do whatever I want, so even though I'm a pitcher, when I asked him if I could play the outfield, he of course said, "Why sure you can! By the way, you have stunning features and impeccable style."  I was a bit surprised by the spontaneous compliment but who am I to argue with him.  So I ran out to the outfield and took my position.  I make it until the 3rd inning without a ball getting hit to me and then it happened.

The opposing first baseman takes a swing and smokes a line drive my way.  I start running back and to my left, then I realize the ball is now going to my right.  Now since I took gymnastics for 2 years when I was 3 and a hip hop dance class when I was 12, I figured I could make this simple spin to my right look graceful.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  In fact, I made it look the complete opposite of graceful, which according to Microsoft Word is clumsy.  Ya, I guess that's pretty accurate.  So I spin to my left, and as I do, my giant size 13 feet decide to get into a slapping fest and I tumble face first to the ground.  It didn't end up being too bad though because the ball bounced under the fence so he only got a double.  This is where it took a turn for the worst.

The ball had rolled under the fence and it as just a few inches behind it.  Now as far as the fence is concerned, its one of those plastic portable fences with a bunch of different sections connected to one another.  So since the ball was so close to the fence, I decided to just reach over and grab it instead of climbing the fence.  I bend over the fence and reach and reach and reach and I'm about 2 inches away.  I decided to lean on the fence a little more to get within reach.  Just as I get my hand on the ball, two sections of the fence give way.  It was like it slow motion, I'm thinking "Oh come one! How did I not see this coming!" So I hit the ground and I try to get up immediately.  That didn't happen.  Apparently when the fence landed on the ground, the top part was about 6 inches off the ground.  So every time I tried to push up on the fence to stand up, I would just push it back to the ground and I wouldn't go anywhere.  After about 20 seconds of struggling to stand up, I swallow my pride and roll off of the fence on to solid ground where I can finally stand up.  I pick up the ball and throw it in but no one really moved.  I felt like I was Smalls in the Sandlot after running the ball into the pitcher because everyone was just standing around jaws wide open, confused and horrified with what just happened.