Weed, Burritos, and Fizzy Fraggles

So a few weeks ago, I decided to go to my favorite burrito place, Bueno y Sano.  As I was walking up to the restaurant, a man walked up to me and asked if I was selling nuggets.  I said, "Do I look like McDonalds?"  Nah, I didn't say that, but not being a weed man myself, I was thoroughly confused.  A few seconds later I figured it out and said no.  THEN, this idiot decides to ask if I had change!  I wondered to myself, if I had been selling weed, would he have still asked me for change and then used that to buy the weed?  Like seriously? Why are you asking for weed if you dont have money OR why are you asking for change if you have money for weed?  Two good questions that I wish I had asked.

Anyway, I informed him that I just used my change to pay for parking.  I assumed the conversation would end there.  I was wrong of course.  He proceeded to ask me how much parking was?! Why would he ever need to know that.  Clearly he doesn't own a car.  I didn't want to get into the whole system of 5 minutes for a nickel, 10 for a  dime, 30 for a quarter, so I just said 50 cents.  He said, "Oh weird.  You know you don't have to pay since its after 6 pm."  I said "Oh, okay next time."  Then I turned and walked away.  I decided not to inform him that you had to pay for parking until 8:30 and it was only 5:15.

So finally, I get into line at Bueno and what do you know, the guy in front of me has no shoes on.  Okay... cuz this 40 degree weather is just perfect for barefoot excursions.  Like really? I wondered whether he walked here like this or whether he feels so comfortable here that he just takes off his shoes.  It doesn't really matter.  Moving on, I'm watching them make each and every burrito very intently, because I like mine a specific way and what do you know, they screwed mine up.  I told them they forgot my guacamole.  Come on! I need my guac.  So they give me a cup of it on the side.  Awesome.  What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?

I decided to send out a mass text and see what my friends came up with for suggestions to the situation.  For the most part, I got 2 responses - dip it in sideways or spread it on top after every bite.  I did get one overly entertaining and extremely useless response from my cousin, Shmerek.  And it went like this:


"Rummage through the trash and you'll see a fraggle.  Take the fraggle and squish him until he squirts. Take the fraggle juice and listen to it. If it is fizzing, immediately pull your pants down and lather your ass. If the fraggle jjuice is not fizzy, proceed to step 3. Take the nonfizzy fraggle juice and  pour it on your burrito. It will smell horrible. Your burrito will now be sturdy enough to dip in the guac.  Eat digest and poop."

Awesome, thanks cousin.