Shmave Shmerschner, Inventor and Businessman

Up here in Amherst, I have a friend who I will call Shmave Shmerschner.  He often comes up with brilliant business plans or inventions.  For example, he once told me about a new composite metal that is like steel but weighed less.  He told me he wanted to use it to make prosthetic limbs lighter.  Keep in mind, prosthetic limbs are already very light due to being made with plastic. 

A couple days later, he mentioned to me about how the lobster industry in his home state of Maine is way too competitive.  He then told me that he had come up with a business plan and slogan to combat that. "Maine, We've got crabs too."  Now, mind you, upon being asked, "Does Maine actually have crabs you could sell?"  Shmave responded, "Not yet."  Hmmm... well maybe we can put in an order to God and get a shipment of crabs to Maine's coastline.

Then tonight, he dropped the next bomb of business genius on me.  He walked into the house and saw my Rubik's Cube sitting on the table.  He said, "You know I came up with this product..." Then decided to stop and walk away.  I was intrigued so I said, "No, what?"  He returned and said, "It's a product for adults called the "Pubik's Cube."  And we're already off to a great start!

I asked him what that would consist of, and he said, "It would be a Rubik's Cube but instead of colors on the side, they would be pictures of different types of pubic hair. Like curly and...."  This is where Shmave's idea lost any speck of marketability it had.  This also, apparently, was the moment that Shmave learned that there's only one type of pube.  The short and curly.

I'll keep you guys posted on any more inventions Shmave throws my way. 

P.S. I won't give you any of Shmave's inventions that even sound barely realistic since I plan on stealing them.