Hmm... A New Pet?

So I decided last week that I would get a new pet.  When I say pet, I mean something that can live in 20 gallon fish tank, like a snake or lizard or hamster.  I've got some options right now that I'm pondering but I've decided to look outside of my group of friends and see what the world wide web thinks I should get for a pet.  I took several quizzes to see which type of pet would be fitting for me.

One test asked me about the size of my house/yard, how much time I have on my hands, and what I want to do with my pet.  Based on my answers of, A) Nice sized house with grass in the yard, B) Lots of time, C) Cuddle and Hold, this test told me I should get a...Horse! A horse?! That's a joke right?  Is a horse even a pet? Seems more like a job to me.  How could wanting to hold and cuddle my pet make them think of a horse!? And I didn't say my house was huge and my stable was empty.  I said my house was nice sized and my backyard had some grass.  Thanks Quibblo.com, you fuckin idiots.

I took another test on Youthink.com  One of the questions asked me what I would do if I had a day to do whatever I want.  Mind you, this is a quiz asking "What kind of pet should you get?"  One of my choices to this answer was "Go outside and play with my owner."  Hmm...I have a feeling this quiz was created for either dogs or slaves.  Another question asked me, Do you have siblings? My choices: A) No, Just me. B) No, I don't like anyone. C) Yes a brother. D) Yes, there are four of us in our litter.  So many issues with this.  For choice B, are they implying I had a sibling but killed him/her because I don't like anyone, cuz I'm pretty sure it's not my choice to have siblings.  For choice C, is having a brother the only option for siblings?  And choice D, once again, they've confused me with a puppy. Since, I had a brother, would do something relaxin, my favorite color was, "whatever," and I love steak, I should get a fish.  Sounds good to me!

I'll keep you posted.

Double Post Wednesday: I'm Funny

So last night, instead of writing a story about what happened to me today, I was emailing the head blogger at Stool La La, a spin off of Barstool Sports.  (please ignore the fact that I do go on that site even though it's mostly for girls.)  Anyway, I wrote her an email and guess what? Boom, she posted it.  You know why?  Cuz I'm funny.


Here's the link.  Enjoy.

PS Don't forget to read the other post from today and comment.

I'm Too Busy

2 Finals.
A Midterm.
Half A Tooth
Flag Football Playoffs
3 Halloween Costumes.

This is what I've been dealing with this week.  I'm too busy to post a story. So how about this.  You tell me a story. Or an interesting fact.  Or just anything you want and put it in the comments.  And I'll put them all together and come up with a beautiful tale for all of you to enjoy for Fridays post ok? Okay!

Average Night I Guess

Oh boy! I love Thursdays.  Every week for our graduate program we have TNO, or Thursday Night Out and we go to a different bar in Amherst and blah blah blah.  Anyway, for most people, this past Thursday would have been a absolutely ridiculous night but for me, I'd say it was pretty average, if you couldn't tell from my title.

So first things first, how did this night get started? Well, recently I decided I was going to start drinking wine and become culture and sophisticated and all that dumb shit.  So what did I do?  I went out and bought 8 bottles of wine (from the 2 for $10 rack) and downed a bottle and a half.

As soon as I got to the bar I enjoyed a few beers and I signed myself up to do No Diggity by Blackstreet which I absolutely killed.  Then things got a little fuzzy.  I remembered singing a few more times.  Turns out, a few more was actually like 6 or 7.  I remember at one point singing a song where I was pretty much just screaming at the top of my lungs but I'm pretty sure I killed that song too.  Then as my friend sang Hero, I enjoyed a middle school style slow dance in the middle of a practically empty bar. 

When I woke up in the morning, I felt these weird things on my legs and so I removed the covers.  What did I find?  About 15 candy corn strewn about in my bed.  No big deal.  I get out of bed and walk over to my dresser and find a bottle of green tobasco sauce.  No cap, just the bottle. And why would I want a cap?  How was i going to cover my jeans and shoes in tobasco sauce if it had a cover on it?

Next, I decided to check my phone and see what ridiculous things I had texted people while in this common state of inebriation.  And boy oh boy did I find a winner.  At one point in my textual ramblings, I dropped the following lines.

"All ants should consider you an ant superstar."   What the fuck does that mean?!

"Lemme buy you breakfast tomorrow, not because of politics but because we're friends."  I seriously don't know what was happening to me but apparently wine makes me the dumbest person ever.  Why would I ever buy someone breakfast because of politics in the first place?

So to recap

1. 1.5 bottles of wine
2. 5 or 6 beers
3. 7 or 8 songs of karaoke
4. Ant Superstar
5. Candy corn bed
6. Tobasco jeans and sneakers.

Like I said, an average night.

Adam T: Magician, Blogger, Break Dancer... and now Director

So as all of you know, I'm a man of many talents.  Here's a list of a few:

1. Magician
2. Blogger
3. Break Dancer
4. 3 Point Shooter
5. Pitcher
6. Beruit Player
7. Golden Tee Player
8. Awful Subletter Picker
9. Dinner Microwaver
10. Punching Machine Arcade Puncher
11. Handstander
12. Fishermen

Believe it or not, that's just 8% of the list.  One talent that most of you don't know about is my directing skillies.  In high school, I didn't do work.  What did I do?  I made videos.  I was the co-host of our daily cable morning show and I made commercials, intros and ridiculous videos.  Since my senior year, I've put down the camera and focused on drinking, which I must say, I've really dedicated myself to.

Anyway, this semester one of our projects was to create a commercial for Nike in the style they do it, by appealing to a subculture and blah blah blah all that marketing shizzle.  We decided to make an ad about sneakerheads and all the uses of Nike's and this and that and this and that and this and that and this and that and this and that.   So I made myself director of the video and it got an absolute A+ from our professor.  In fact, he's been showing it to his undergrad classes, other professors, and alumni of the program.  I dunno what the hell I did, all I know is that it's gold!

I'm sure I'll be hearing from either Nike or M. Night pretty soon to direct something else.  I'll keep you guys posted.  Until then, enjoy the Nike commercial "Possibilties."




P.S.  Trust me, I realize the scene with the 3 girls is awful.  That ones not my fault, I swear. Shut up.

P.P.S. There were other people in my group.  Happy Amy?

25,000th Hit and a Triple Whammy

So as you all know WHAT just got its 25,000th hit and as I do with any milestone, I always ask for a picture of the accomplishment.  Well it turns out this time that the 25,000th hit was actually from my cousin Derek.  This time it was a little different than the last few times.  Derek decided to get a little sassy this time and decided to take the picture of the 25,000th hit hostage.  Just a few minutes after we hit the milestone, I got an email from my cousin with the subject line, "Ransom" and he had 3 pictures attached to it.  The first was titled 24999, the next was 25001, and the final one was titled Ransom.  This was the Ransom picture.

I found this very ammusing and yet perplexing because I knew I would never be able to meet his demands.  I mean, where the hell would I find a black garbage bag.  The rest of it was doable but the bag was a deal breaker.  Fortunately, it didn't come to that because, not to my surprise, my cousin Derek is an idiot.  As I mentioned, he attached a picture titled 25001, which I am showing right here.

 

Like an idiot, Derek labeled his pictures wrong and sent me the picture of the 25,000th hit.  This came as great news to me and is the reason for the "Triple Whammy" in the title.  

Whammy #1 - I got my picture of the 25,000th hit.

Whammy #2 - I don't have to pay the winner a six pack which I was completely willing to do because of this ill-advised hostage situation.

Whammy #3 - I'm making Derek look like an idiot.

The reason that Derek's screw up came as no surprise to me is because this isn't the first time he has messed up a prank.  Two years ago, Derek had an awful roommate who moved out and screwed them so he decided to get his revenge by creating a fake email address and trick this girl, who was now looking for a new place, into thinking that he was a girl looking for a roommate.  It probably would have been great, except for one thing.  Like the idiot that he is, Derek actually used his real name while registering for this email address and since they used the same email server, when she received the email, it said "From Derek Rice."  

Bottom Line:  Derek's pranking skills are an embarrassment to our family and Armenians around the world. 

Did I seriously just do that?

So the other day, I'm sitting in my Sports Law class just maxin and relaxin.  One of the kids is giving us a presentation about a lawsuit between USA Soccer and Champion Sports blah blah blah.  I was actually pretty interested in the discussion and had thrown my input in a couple of times.  Towards the end of his discussion of this case, my focus began to drift as it usually does during class and I started thinking about our flag football team.  I'm thinking about the plays we ran the night before and the plays we should run next week.

Anyway!  As most of you know, I'm super competitive and so when I got to thinking about flag football, I got really into it and I was pretty much in my own world.  Well, one thing you should know about my own world is that it's okay to burp out loud.  Unfortunately, in reality, I wasn't in my own world.  In fact, I was in Sports Law class listening to a student presentation and it was in there which I burped out loud.  Yes.  You read that right.

I BURPED.  OUT LOUD. DURING SOME KIDS PRESENTATION.  Holy shit.  First thing that came out of my mouth after?  "Oh my God. I think I fell asleep."  Did I actually fall asleep?! NO! Why the fuck did I just say that!?  How could that possibly make this situation better.  Not only did I burp during this kid's presentation but then I went on to say that the reason I burped was because he had such a case of the borings that he put me to sleep?!  I should be shot in the face.

Immediately, the four people directly in front of me turned around at me.  But it wasn't like they just spun around and looked at me.  Oh no, it was much more dramatic than that.  All four of them, at the same time, gave me the slow, half head turn with a look of shock, horror and amazement on their faces. Their turn around was followed by the entire class turning around to look at me to see what kind of fucking monster would do such a thing.  But I'm not a monster!!1!

Not that it was any surprise to me, but my burp totally stole the show and the kid's presentation came to an abrupt end because no one could really get it together after.

Holy Shit! 25,000?!

That's right! 25,000! 25,000 hits on WHAT!!! As you know, we have had a contest for every major milestone on WHAT and we are coming up to our 25,000th hit! So its up to you to report it.

Every time you check out WHAT from now on I want you to scroll down to the bottom of the page and check if you are the 25,000th hit.  Because!  If you are the 25,000th hit, I will personally buy you a six pack of any beer you want! That's fuckin right! A six pack because that's 25,000 calories of beer and I think I owe it to you.

I know what you're thinking, 6 beers doesn't equal 25,000 calories.  Well you know what?  Fuck off you piece of mathematician shit. No one cares about you. 

So, if you are the 25,000th hit, i want you to take a picture with your cell phone and  text it to me at 781 831 3442.

P.S. I'm so dedicated to writing this post that I have chosen to  battle through a sneezing fest to keep writing. Unfortunately, during one of my sneezes I forgot to turn away and now my computer screen is covered in sneezebombs.. Whoops.

Anyway, good luck and I look forward to sharing this six pack with you.

GO WHAT!!!

In Case You Missed It

In case you missed it, I have added a twitter feed on the right of the blog for my twitter account, WatHappend2Adam.  I will be using it mostly to update you on idiots I encounter during the day, stupid things I say or do, or inventions that I might come up with.  Feel free to follow me on twitter or just constantly check the blog for updates.

Well That's Just Sad

So the other day I was on my way home from fishing and I saw something that made me want to cry.  It was a rainy Tuesday afternoon and I'm driving down the street in Amherst, MA.  A woman with a stop sign walked across the cross walk and held up the sign hoping to stop traffic.  She did it! (Isn't that amazing, you can just hold a stop sign anywhere you want and traffic around you will stop.)

Anyway, it was the person that she was holding the sign up for that this post is about.  It was a man probably in his 40s and he was riding a tandem bike... by himself! Hahaha! That is without a doubt the most pathetic thing ever in the history of everness.  It was amazing and sad at the same time.  The main reason it was so sad was because it was raining and I couldn't make fun of him without getting wet.  I so wanted to yell to him, "Hey! Can I borrow your friend's invisible cloak?." But I couldn't cuz I didn't want rain on my face! Stupid rain ruining my fun!

Awkward Embrace

So the other day I was driving down Route 9 right in front of Amherst College.  I was stuck in traffic and we weren't moving much.  I looked to my left and noticed a couple hugging and I thought, well that's normal so I looked away.  5 seconds later, I looked back again and they were still hugging and I thought, well that's less normal.  I decided not to look away this time.  I just stared at these two people who seem to be more in love with each other than Chicken and Buffalo Sauce.

Did they let go?  No.
Did they talk at all?  No.
Did they just stand there entwined in a passionate embrace for over 20 seconds?  Yes.

How can you have nothing better than that to do with your time?  I mean i love hugging, I'll be the first to admit that.  But I mean, I could've gotten 8 solid hugs and 6 high fives in the time these idiots were hugging for.  I think the most mysterious aspect of this whole Super-Hug was that I don't even know when it started.  The 20 seconds was just what I saw.  For all I know they had been standing there for the last two weeks.  Although I feel like it would have drawn more attention and maybe a few representatives from the Guinness World Record Book if they had been standing in one place hugging for 2 weeks, you never know though.  I also wonder if they went off and hugged someone else after or if they're like done hugging for the next month.  Can you use up all your hugability in one Mega-Hug?  I don't know but I'm willing to find out.  Who's got 2 weeks to spare?

Follow, Follow, Follow

So I know I've picked up a couple of new readers lately and I just wanted to remind everyone that we are nearing the 100 follower mark and that is a big deal.  Way back in the day I told everyone that if I got 100 followers I would by each and everyone of you a slice of apple pie and some ice cream so let's get that done.  It's really easy, just click follow, then sign in with a Google, AIM or Yahoo account.  Bingo bango zingo zango.  See you at pie & cream fest 2010. 

Collapse...and Cops!

So the other night we were hanging out at my friend Shmarin's house.  We were playing beruit and just having an all around good time.  I looked great as usual.  Let me just paint a picture of the deck.  There are 4 of us playing beruit.  There are two people in green plastic chairs, three people in patio furniture chairs and one person sitting on the edge of the deck.

Anyway, we're in the middle of a game and one of the balls goes bouncing off the side of the table.  One of my opponents went to catch it, and she did.  After she caught the ball, as she was walking back to her spot at the table, she literally put like one finger on the head of one of the people sitting in the green chairs...

Instantly, both green chairs fucking explode and both people sitting in them, including Shmarin, fall to the ground.  I've never seen anything like it.  These chairs weren't even touching each other, but within .2 seconds both chairs were a pile of rubble and we had two casualties on the ground. 

When I put some thought into it, I realized that the extra weight of this person's finger on this kids head caused his chair to implode.  As he was falling, I guess he put his hand on Shmarin's chair, and the extra weight then caused her chair to implode.  What an amazing chain of events.  Especially since it happened so fast that it literally looked like one chair was just like, "Hey, I've had a good life, I'm fucking out of here."  And the other one was like, "Well fuck this, I'm not stayin here by myself.  see you on the other side!!!!" And Dead!

Usually, one event like that would be enough for a night but nope, not tonight.  We had to get the cops called on us.  That's right.  A group of 12 people, whose average age was 26 had the cops called on them.  Now for the most part, everyone was calm, being normal, not giving the cop any reason to be suspicious.  Well F that!  So I stepped in.

This is the direct quote I said to the cop for some unknown, inexplicable reason.  "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, I'm not going to storm you or anything, but do you have back up?"   Do you have back up!? What the fuck am I talking about!  Why would I ever ask him that?  And on top of that, why the hell did I use the word storm?  He's not a castle.  I'm an iziot. 

This cop must've been like getting his finger on the trigger, assuming I'm gonna launch myself off the deck and try and take him out somehow.  In my defense, at the time, it seemed like a legit question.  I mean for real, you get called to break up a party and you show up alone.  I was just nervous there was a sniper in the woods or someone coming around the back to sneak attack me and that is a totally legitimate worry so eat it.

Poll #20

Well well well, what do you know?  I start the polls back up again and I realize that I have completely lost touch with my followers.  Yes, I was one of the 6 that voted for walking backwards.  What the frank were you other 17 idiots thinking?  Are you kidding me?  Who wants to wear tight clothes forever?

Several people brought it up to me that they would just lose weight and then it would be ok.  No it would not.  No matter what, you're clothes are always going to be one size too small.  You're socks will be too tight.  You're thongs and boxers will be squeezin your hoohahs and junkanoos.  All of your pants will be tight and short.  You're dress shirts will stop 3 inches before your wrists and if you move your arms to much you'll split them right down the back.  Hats? Fuck that.  You know how much it hurts to wear a hat thats too tight?  Honestly, you'll just look like an emo iziot all day long. 

And then there's me.  I just have to walk backwards.  That's perfect for me.  I love taking pictures and videos and looking at them.  You know why?  Because I love seeing where I came from and where I've been.  What better way to do that than always walk backwards and always be able to see where I have just been.  Sorry, I just blew your philosophical minds.  Eat it.

Bottom Line:  You are all idiots and there other 5 people that voted Walk Backwards are awesome. 

Worst Subletter Ever Update

So yesterday I decided to clean my room.  There was a trash bag sitting in my room behind my door from when I cleaned up my room for it to be subletted. (I don't know why it was still there but it was)  It was just full of papers and notebooks and such so I started filling it up and my room was looking great.  I went to take the bag out and noticed a few more things hiding behind the bag.  I reached down, picked it up, and then noticed it was a used condom.  A USED FUCKING CONDOM. On my floor, used by the dirty hippie piece of shit and her gross hippie piece of shit boyfriend.  I immediately burned my hands offs and bleached the entire town of Amherst.  That girl is the worst!!!!!!!!