You Play for Who?

So last weekend, I was hanging out with some of my friends and some Bulgarians.  We were playing beruit and gettin all swashbuckled when the worst imaginable thing happened. We ran out of beer.  So, being the smart graduate students we are, what did we do to resolve this issue?  We went to an undergrad party in an Amherst College Dorm...

Anyway, once we get into the party and we immediately went straight to the dance floor, of course.  We lit that bitch on fire for a while and then made our way over to where we assumed the alcohol was.  We get into the kitchen and find a big cooler with a little bit of jungle juice.  Any cups? Of course not.  So there I am, a 24 year old grad student, cleaning a used solo cup in order to scoop up some jungle juice, into which I'm sure hundreds of hands have been dunked.  Either way, whatever it was that I scooped up, had no alcohol in it.  Just pounds and pounds of sugar.  It made me want to die forever.

This is when me and my roommate decided to go hunting for beer.  We went upstairs and just started knocking on random doors, asking people if they had beer.  During this, we encountered a few people.  The first was a girl whose name was Ictoria.  I know right? What the fuck?  Her parents hate the letter V apparently.  Then, some kid stops my roommate Ryan and says, "Hey man, lemme guess. You play hockey right."  And it was on...

"Ya man, pretty rough game tonight."  This kid thinks Ryan places Amherst Hockey.  Ryan is pretending he plays Umass Hockey, who lost 7-1 that night.  Ry quickly covers his mistake by saying, "Ya, it was a tough night for them, I have a bunch of friends on that team."  Next we drop the fact that I am a pitcher for the Amherst baseball team, so this kid says, "Oh man, do you know the Einhorn twins?"  Ryan replies, "Oh no way! The Einhorn twins?! Man, they slept over last weekend, and they were absolutely wasted! Throwin up everywhere."  At this point, this kid is just loving it.  We're all like best friends.  The girl he was with, then asks, "Do you know Tess?"  To which Ryan replies, "Oh yeah Tess?  She's a great girl.  Have you met her sister?  She's a spitting image of her!"  Eventually, we just walk away from the convo, thinkin we just pulled off a great lie.

A couple minutes later the kid comes up to us and says, "I know you guys were fuckin around." And we're like, "shit, how did you know?"  And he says, "Amherst Hockey is away tonight. And Tess's sister is like 12." Oops.

Guess you had to be there. Shut up.