I Swear I'm Not Unique

So, I know a lot of you are thinking to yourselves, look at this kid, he must be one of a kind.  Well, I'm not.  Yes, I am strange, and I do a lot of odd things and my sense of humor is a bit out there and I'm a little immature, but even considering all that, I know I'm not alone.  In fact, I got proof of this Friday morning when I woke up to a certain text message.

Now, I could have read this text message without reading the name of the sender, and I would have already known exactly who it was, assuming it wasn't me.  As many of you know, several of my past posts have been about/related to/involving poop/bathroom stalls/bathroom etiquette, like  Elbows Deep in Trouble (best post of all time) , He Killed One Bird with Two Stones, Battle of the Silent Poops, and Snow Poop.  Now, it's probably obvious that the reason I bring these up because the text I got was also related to poop.

I responded to this text with "Probably the best text Ive ever woken up to," and it's true, because I feel like I easily could have, and even may have written this exact message in the past.  So without further ado, here is the text I received on Friday morning at 7:27 AM from my cousin Shmerek.  

"Do you think the poop you see in a port-a-potty are a fair representation of the average guy's poop?  I always see the grossest shits ever in here."  

Immediately, I realize that he is actually texting from the port-a-potty. He continues on:

"I just saw one that had corn in it.  Not little kernels of corn.  I'm talking an entire ear of corn.  It looked like the corn had poop in it rather than the other way around."  

Now I know for the most part, you're all in disagreement with me that this isn't hysterical, but that's because you're a bunch of iziots. I am not an iziot, and neither is Shmerek.  In fact, I am essentially the same exact person as Shmerek.  We were both pitchers in college, we went to Tufts together, we have the same sense of humor, we'd rather play video games that talk to you, we both hate everyone and we both hate wet socks.  Now the reason I bring this up is because within the next five years Shmerek will be a millionaire due to the natural gas company he and his brothers started.  That's good news for me because since we're the same person essentially and he's gonna be a millionaire, it means I will be too.

Bottom Line: Poop is funny and I'm gonna be a millionaire.