I Need to Learn to Windmill

If there's one thing I learned in the 25 great years I've been on this Earth, it's that people that can do the windmill break dance move are respected.  No. Questions. Asked. 

"Oh hey, you're a murderer and you can do the windmill?  You are a great man."  That was a sample conversation taken from a real life situation that I'm sure has happened thousands of time.  I want to be on the receiving end of that compliment.  I want to learn to windmill.  If you don't believe me, look at the way I am staring so attentively at this kid doing the windmill in front of me.  I swear there could have been a naked playboy model running by me being chased by a dinosaur shooting flames out of his eyes and I wouldn't have looked away.

Honestly, here is the list of the most respected people in our country:

1. People that save kittens
2. People that design new ways to enjoy buffalo chicken
3. People who know how to do the windmill.
4. The Dos Equis Guy

That's it.  I want to be on that list.  But I'm gonna be honest, I'm not the kind of guy that just does something and that's that.  I do something and then I make it better.  I won't just do the windmill cuz wind is for pussies.  I'm gonna do the firemill.

How do you do the firemill, Adam?  Thanks for asking.

Step 1.  Dip shoes in lighter fluid.
Step 2.  Light them on fire.
Step 3.  Do the firemill.
Step 4.  Blow people's fucking minds!

Easy as 1,2,3,4.

See you on the dance floor.

PS Here is the windmill in case you didn't know.