So as you all know from my experience of being called a landscaper, I was in NYC last weekend. As i wandered the city and pretended to live the life of a New Yorker, I pondered what my life would be like if I actually lived there. And I realized that I would be in jail in about a week or so for assault with a deadly weapon because without a doubt, after a week, I would be so sick of seeing all of these people that think they are so stylish, I would just start beating people with hammers.
Here are some of the people I happened to see as I was walking down 5th avenue.
1. A girl wearing neon green pants, neon green shoes, neon green sunglasses, a neon green belt, and a neon green purse. What the what?! Like really, did she just get gakked on What Would You DO with host Marc Summers?
2. A guy wearing a pink tie. Now usually, that's not so bad. Unfortunately, this guy had to take it to the next level. He had the skinny part of the tie, the part that is supposed to be in the back, about twice as long as the the fat part. Hey Bub, that's not stylish, that's just messing up on tying your knot. Is that what style is now? Just getting dressed improperly? Perfect, I'm going to start clipping suspenders to my hats and putting my arm through the neck hole instead of my sleeves.
3. This guy I should have just knocked out on the spot. He was wearing the smallest pair of glasses I have ever seen. I swear to god, this is no exaggeration, the lens of his glasses were the size of nickels. NICKELS! Think about how small that is. Its smaller than a quarter and a little bigger than a penny.
Motha frankin New York City. I swear, if I move there and I start dressing like these white stains, you guys all better mail me a kick in the groin. I probably won't sign for it but it'll be the gesture that really counts.
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