A couple months ago, I decided to take one of my friends out fishing up in Amherst. It was just Me, Shmarker Shmox, and the lake. We cruised over to my favorite fishing spot and tossed the anchor down. About 3 minutes into the fishing, I hear a little scuffle behind me and what do I see? Shmarker falling into the water in super slow motion. Literally in slow motion, it was amazing. I probably had time to pick up the anchor, drive to the shore, get out of the boat and catch him before he hit the water. Instead, I just started laughing.
Now to be honest, anyone falling out of a boat is awesome. Just add that to the fact that he had his Apple iPhone in his pocket and you've got a good story. Add that to the fact that he had just bought that iPhone from a friend 2 weeks earlier after losing his other iPhone and you've got an great story. So Shmarker, I'd like to thank you and your lack of balance and your affinity for keeping your iPhone in your pocket at all times for giving me a great story.
It wasn't until we got back to his house that night when I realized I really had an amazing story on my hands. Shmarker, who really hadn't done much outdoors this spring, had been sitting in the sun with me for 6 hours. I got my usual sun kissed brown on, he on the other hand, was the reddest I've ever seen anyone. Add on 300 pounds and throw him through a wall and you would've had the Kool-Aid guy. It was absurd. I've literally never seen anything like it before.
So after a day of fishing, I had 3 lb bass and Shmarker was down an iPhone and had the worst sun burn in the history of the sun (which I've heard is a pretty long time.)
After reading this, I contemplated donating the $50 that Shmarker paid me for said iPhone to the tattoo fund. I thought better of it though, cause I want to make sure we're all back in Amherst for the tattooing fun. I will make it happen, too, even if it means misappropriating some WiB funds to do it.
ReplyDeleteI feel a rebuttal is deserved. In both cases me losing my phone was entirely your fault. The first lost iPhone was due to your incessant dance circling and pitcher's of beer after the Red Sox game. Were it not for me trying to keep you off of some unattractive girls at the bar, I would be sitting pretty.
ReplyDeleteSecond iPhone. Your standing up and sitting down caused me to lose my balance on your 4 inch wide boat.
Sunburn...again your fault. What fisherman doesn't have sunblock with them. Oh wait, your Armenian, which would normally make up for it but don't you know some Armenian curse/chant/spell that would cause an eclipse or something so I wouldn't get sunburned? Cuz if you can't do that I have been misled all these years.
in shmarker's defense, shmadam does a whole lot of sitting up and down in his boat. its a wonder that more people have not fallin fate to the same unsuspecting up downs. its not football.
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