What Happened to Adam Today

So, I got a new lizard.  As some of you know, Hans wasn't eating when I brought him home to the Edge.  The people at the pet store said it was probably stress.  Anyway, I took him back to he wouldn't die and I picked up his cousin, Chief Wilbur Smithsonian, also known as C.W., C-dubs, Wilby, The Chief, and Wilburwilburwilbur. 

Unfortunately, Wilbur is not the most well behaved lizard in the world.  I take him out all the time to play with him and let him explore the house.  He jumps from table to table, climbs curtains, and hides in magazines.  He also has a very bad habit of pooping when I'm holding him/hanging out with him.

Over a 3 day period, Wilbur pooped and peed on my computer, on the pants of my suit which I had picked up from the dry cleaners the day before, and in my hand.  Yup!  I'm sitting there, holding this little bugger, telling him how much I love him and he fucking shits in my hand.  What the flop!  To be honest, I blame TV and the internet.  Lizards these days have no respect for their parents or authority figures.  They just go around peein on computers and shitting in people's hands and its unacceptable.  These lizards are the future of this country and if something doesn't change, this country is going to be in trouble.

On top of all that, Wilbur bit me last night! Right on my thumb!  Now granted he has no teeth and it didn't hurt at all, but it scared the shit out of me.  For a split second, I thought it was a crocodile chomping down on my hand getting ready to go into a death roll.  Then I realized he was 5 inches long and I could've just thrown him across the room if I wanted to.  I didn't though cuz he's my little pal and boys will be boys right?

That's all for now on Wilbur.  Good day. 

 PS Don't expect a post on Friday.  I've got more work than my little brain can handle, I almost chose not to write this one.