111? We Can Do Better Than That

Listen, I don't want to sound ungrateful because I love all of my followers.  Even the ones that just write mean comments and make my eyes rain. But! I think we can do better than 111.  I know thanks to Googs Analytics that I've got some readers now in the great state of Colorado.  So why don't you fess up, follow the blog, and join this great family of WHATsicles.

Yeah, that's right.  WHATsicles.  Fuckin deal with it.

As an added bonus, if I get 10 new followers by the end of the year, I will run a new comment contest with a grand prize of $20 young mula baby! It doesn't take much to follow the blog. Just sign in with a google, aol, or yahoo account.

Bada bing bada boob, you're in and you're out, easy peasy lemon squeezy, she's got the urge...to herbal!

Geography = Not My Strong Suit = I'm A Dick

Oh hello, its a wonderful day in the neighborhood isn't it? Shut up!

So, in several of my of my posts over the last year and a half, I have yelled at North Dakota for not reading my blog.  I had 70 something countries and 49 states but no matter what I did, I couldn't get anyone in ND to read this awesome factory.  Well, it is with a 1/3 sincere heart that I apologize to the horrifically boring amazing state of North Dakota.

I was on my analytics page the other day and I realized that I do have a reader in North Dakota.  In fact, I have an amazing total of 1 hit from the pointless great state of North Dakota.

So...the question remains, why did I think that ND was full of a bunch of non-WHAT reading dbags?  Its because the state next to it on the map had 0 hits and there are no state names on the map.  I think its fair to say that anyone in ND that is upset with me should be more upset with Montana! Those fox hunting dingledonkies haven't read this blog once! What the F is wrong with them! Don't they know that this blog gets 10's of readers every time I post?

Wait...do they have internet there? I mean, it is in the midwest, anything is possible.  Yeah, let's go with that.  WHAT has officially been read by every state in the country that has access to the world wide web! I did it America! Suck it Canada! (I take that back, their my 3rd most active country with 246 hits)

Interesting Fact About My Friends

Oh hello there. Don't touch me. Thanks.

So, if you have any knowledge of surveys or market research, you understand that in order to get a read of the entire population, information is collected from a small percentage of that population and then the information is extrapolated out of that.  Well, as with all of my other polls, I have collected some data, and it turns out...

100% of my friends pick their noses.  That's right! Every single one of you is a dirty, disgusting, vile, nose picker!  I bet there are 20 of you reading this right now with one finger up there as we speak! Your keyboard is begging you not to type with that finger any more but those cries fall on dead ears and unclogged nostrils.

Come on guys! I thought we lived in a society where we are supposed to be civilized, not heathens lawlessly roaming the streets.  The only thing worse than learning this is realizing I didn't know it for years and all the gross boogies that have ended up on me by accident...or on purpose.

Either way, I've learned a lot about you freaks and I decided next week I'm going to go back through my polls and actually put a report together about my readership.  This should be interesting.

Until then, don't touch me, and don't forget to vote in the new poll!

Remember My Other Blog?

What a fucking terrible idea that was huh!? I read some book called Linchpin, which was about being indispensable and one of the things he talked about was just doing things. Create stuff! So I was like, well I should start another blog. But this time, it'll be a mature blog! One that I can show off to future employers, this will get them.  ***FART NOISE and THUMBS DOWN***

Come on Adam! Really? Mature? Who the flop do you think you are? Get that stanky bullshit up out my face and tell me about some guy sticking his arm down a clogged toilet!  Like seriously, what the hell was I thinking?  And more importantly, what the hell were you all thinking?! You read it! Why the hell didn't you say "Hey Adam, you're an amazing guy and all, and you're nips are pretty sweet, but seriously bro, that blog is awful and I'll straight up stomp your ass into the ground if you make me read another one of your mature posts."

Granted, I would have been a little insulted but I would've gotten the message and I could've gotten back to what was really important a lot quicker.  Being on here and writing about my drunken escapades and ridiculous ___________ couples that I sit next to on flights.

So I want to officially apologize for making you read that garbage and promise it will never happen again.