Yes! Thats right mother flipflops! What Happened to Adam Today is back and we're coming back with a bang! As many of you know, I recently landed my first job which I am starting on Friday. Now, considering that I shut down my blog in order to make myself look better during my job search, it only makes sense that I start it back up now that I have a real job! Okay, so enough of this bullshit! Let's get down to business and to the real reason why you're all here...WHAT HAPPENED TO ADAM TODAY!
So, I'm moving to Denver and I decided to drive across the country to get there. I picked up my cousin Shmerek on the way down in Pittsburgh and for those of you who don't know, Shmerek is as ridiculous, if not more ridiculous than me, so this road trip is just gonna be absurd.
Our first stop on the trip was in Chicago, which is where I'm writing this story from right now. We decided to go out and headed to the only place where guys in a new city go...Hooters. We had a great time and saw a boob or two. After they closed we got some advice and headed off to a couple suggested bars. We ended up at some Irish bar just having a great time.
After meeting Drew Barrymore's and Guy Fierri's look alikes we left the bar and headed back to our $100 (cheapest in all of Chicago) hotel room at the Howard Johnson. As we walked down the street, we got hippity hop with it and I dropped a beat for my cousin who started to freestyle. After three or four lines that didn't really rhyme well, a pair of girls who happened to be parked on the side of the road, called us over and said they liked our freestyling. Right there, that should have tipped us off, because honestly, Derek was terrible. We started talking to these girls who where kinda cute and Derek started to somehow pretend that I was a famous rapper on tour. The girls told us they were headed to some party and would call us in a few minutes when they headed out.
Nice, we're in. Girls. Side of the road. Party. Strange city. What more can you ask for?! Two minutes later, Derek got a call on his cell and of course it was one of these two city slickers. First line of the conversation?
"It's $175 per hour."
Fuck yeah! I met prostitutes! Finally! It took me 26 years but I finally got a firm offer from some Pros. That's so exciting right? Of course, we couldn't let it end there though. Shmerek decided to counteroffer with this statement. "Listen, I don't want to be rude, but usually girls pay us for sex. We're willing to just break even and let you guys bang us for free." I dunno about you but that sounds like a pretty good deal.
She responded by telling us that we were wasting her time and she'd fuck us up if we kept screwing with her. I may not know much, but I know that when a prostitute says she's gonna fuck you up, you better listen. For this reason, we decided to drop the subject and let them go on their way. Great times in Chicago. That's all from me.
Thank you guys for patiently waiting for my return.
Lets. Get. Busy.
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