Who Gots That Money?

So, as you may have noticed, I have added a "Make A Donation" widget at the top of the page.  This is here for you to give me some monies to keep this bad boy going.  And you may ask yourself, why the fuck does this idiot need money for this blog.  And to be honest, the answer is pretty simple.  I don't.  But it'd be really nice if I got some.  So I started to ponder some ideas for how I could get you to donate.  I came up with the following possibilities.

• Donations of $10+ would earn you a nude photo of me
• For every dollar you donate I'd give you two back (seems counterproductive though)
• Set a Total Donation Goal and do something crazy when we reach it. 

Well, it was the third one that I decided on.  Now it's your job to decide what I'm going to do when we hit the goal.  As of now, the only idea we have is that I get a tattoo of triangle head on my ass.

Crazy, boring, gross, awesome, funny.  I wanna hear all of your ideas so lay them on me! Lets get Wild & Crazy!

I Love Strange People

So yesterday, while walking back to my car from class, I encountered a very rare, yet amazingly entertaining species.  I call them PPS's or Poor Public Singers.  I walked behind this kid in the rain, for like 8 minutes and during our entire journey together, he was just singing out loud to himself.  I don't know what song it was, but I know that it had several very high notes that he wasn't even coming close to hitting.  I think the best part about it, was that he wasn't even wearing headphones.  He was just singing straight from the music in his head.

If I had to guess his age, based on the number of times his voice cracked and the amount of acne he had, I would have gone with a nubile 13 but then why would he be on a college campus?  I'm guessing he's just a late blooming 18 year old with a love for musical theater.

Either way, I was so intrigued by this kid.  I was literally walking like 1 foot behind him, kind of leaning over his left shoulder trying to hear what song he was singing.  At one point, I think he felt my presence because he sped up and then turned and looked at me.  I decided to give him a little more space at this point.  As I was starting to drop back to give him some room, all of a sudden, he just belted out a note at the top of his lungs. I couldn't help but just laugh out loud at him.  This I know he heard, because he kind of just peered back at me through the corner of his eye.

This was definitely a blogasm moment.  I knew from the second I heard him singing that I would be writing this post.

Triangle Head Finds A Hat

It's been a while since I've treated you guys with some triangle head, so here he is.  Make sure you check in tomorrow.  I've got a great blog about a singing idiot.

P.S.  This week's poll is turning into a shit show.  My B.  Looks like we'll be having a guest poller next week.

Poll #12

Well the latest poll has closed and once again, the masses have agreed with me.  Pit Stains won out over Dog Poop on your shoe 16 to 14.  This was one of my toughest choices.  I didn't even vote until like 5 days in.  I kept debating it back and forth.  I mean with Pit Stains, you always look ridiculous.  Can you imagine trying to approach a girl at a bar with sweaty arm pit stains with a diameter of 20 inches?  You wouldn't even get with 10 feet of her without her getting disgusted by you.  The only thing you can really do to counteract the problem is to always wear black, but even then, it's still a little noticeable.

On the other hand, you've got that dog poop that you can just barely smell.  Is that not the worst thing in the world.  No matter where you go, people will be like, "Do you smell that?"  And you'd have to play it off like you didn't know what they were talking about. "Smell what? Nah son, you're crazy. Hey, want this free nose plug I won today?"   I wouldn't even want to be around me.  Everything you do would be ruined by that.  With every meal, you'd have a side dish of poopy aroma.  I just couldn't deal with that.

I guess when it comes down to it, I'd rather date a girl who is ok with my sweaty pits than a girl who is ok having to smell shit all day.

P.S. Make sure you vote in this week's poll.  I wanna get up to 40 total votes this time.

I Don't Like That

You know what I'm getting sick of?  No?  Well then you're in luck because during this post, I'm going to tell you.  That's the reason I lead off with that question.  Alright, so here it is.  I'm sick of people hitting the ""Like" button on Facebook.  It's a cop out and it's disrespectful and sometimes it's hurtful.

I put in the time and effort to post a funny or meaningful comment about my day or about how I feel and all you have to say is I like that?  If I go through the effort to bring you some enjoyment, you should at least give some sort of effort to show your appreciation.  You like my joke? Awesome.  I don't care.  That's not how you show your appreciation for a joke.  Can you imagine if when a stand up comedian told a joke, instead of laughing, people all just said I like that?  That would be a terrible world and one that, frankly, I would not want to live in.

They should at least make a "Hahaha!" button as well so that if you are lazy enough to use a button as your response, it can at least be appropriate.  From now on, if you're going to click the Like button on any of my comments or posts or pictures or uploads or notes or relationship statuses, just stop, sit there for a second, and ask yourself, will this bring any joy to adam's life what so ever or am I just wasting both of our time.  Then answer the question with a resounding yes.  Then, if you so choose, make me a grilled cheese and bring it to me.  Tomato soup optional.  That is all for now.  Be gone!

What The Hell!

Vote you stupid idiots. I know there are more than 22 people that go on this website.

You Say Fail, I Say Shut the Hell Up!

I'm gonna get right to the point.  No dillydallying (Holy Shit! Dillydallying is an actual word. Crazy).  No beating around the bush.  No delaying the inevitable.  This needs to be said, and it needs to be said now.  Here it comes.  As soon as I finish the sentence that I am currently typing, I will without a doubt get directly to my point, which I'm positive you will either agree with, disagree with, or be indifferent to.

I hate when people said "Fail."  Seriously, shut up.  No. NO! Shut up!!!

It makes me so mad because these people who say "Fail," get some misplaced sense of hipness and wittiness.  Like that was the wittiest thing you could say right there? Fail? Come on.  If someone trips or misses a dunk or something like that, you don't say "Fail."  You laugh in their face and say "Holy shit that was awesome."  That's a lot more demoralizing than saying "Fail." Especially since, if someone said that to me, I would think that saying "Fail," was more embarrassing than whatever I just did.  Like really?  Go cry because  Avatar isn't real and play World of Warcraft and pwn some people if you think saying fail is awesome

The worst part about it all is that I'm sure some of my readers say Fail.  That makes me sad. 

You Play for Who?

So last weekend, I was hanging out with some of my friends and some Bulgarians.  We were playing beruit and gettin all swashbuckled when the worst imaginable thing happened. We ran out of beer.  So, being the smart graduate students we are, what did we do to resolve this issue?  We went to an undergrad party in an Amherst College Dorm...

Anyway, once we get into the party and we immediately went straight to the dance floor, of course.  We lit that bitch on fire for a while and then made our way over to where we assumed the alcohol was.  We get into the kitchen and find a big cooler with a little bit of jungle juice.  Any cups? Of course not.  So there I am, a 24 year old grad student, cleaning a used solo cup in order to scoop up some jungle juice, into which I'm sure hundreds of hands have been dunked.  Either way, whatever it was that I scooped up, had no alcohol in it.  Just pounds and pounds of sugar.  It made me want to die forever.

This is when me and my roommate decided to go hunting for beer.  We went upstairs and just started knocking on random doors, asking people if they had beer.  During this, we encountered a few people.  The first was a girl whose name was Ictoria.  I know right? What the fuck?  Her parents hate the letter V apparently.  Then, some kid stops my roommate Ryan and says, "Hey man, lemme guess. You play hockey right."  And it was on...

"Ya man, pretty rough game tonight."  This kid thinks Ryan places Amherst Hockey.  Ryan is pretending he plays Umass Hockey, who lost 7-1 that night.  Ry quickly covers his mistake by saying, "Ya, it was a tough night for them, I have a bunch of friends on that team."  Next we drop the fact that I am a pitcher for the Amherst baseball team, so this kid says, "Oh man, do you know the Einhorn twins?"  Ryan replies, "Oh no way! The Einhorn twins?! Man, they slept over last weekend, and they were absolutely wasted! Throwin up everywhere."  At this point, this kid is just loving it.  We're all like best friends.  The girl he was with, then asks, "Do you know Tess?"  To which Ryan replies, "Oh yeah Tess?  She's a great girl.  Have you met her sister?  She's a spitting image of her!"  Eventually, we just walk away from the convo, thinkin we just pulled off a great lie.

A couple minutes later the kid comes up to us and says, "I know you guys were fuckin around." And we're like, "shit, how did you know?"  And he says, "Amherst Hockey is away tonight. And Tess's sister is like 12." Oops.

Guess you had to be there. Shut up.

Did You Get Lost?

I was at the mall the other day buyin some sweet ass gear and I decided to stop at my favorite restaurant of all time.  Good ole Sarku Japan at the food court.  I got the classic, Teryaki chicken with white rice and veggies, extra chicken, medium orange soda no ice.  Best food ever.  Anyway, me being the detail oriented person that I am, noticed the names of the people working there and I found it very amusing.  


There were two women and three men working there.  They included the two cooks, Zhen and Deng.  Also the two cashiers, Jang and Ko.  Then finally, there was the random white guy, Arnold.  What is he doing there?  Like really? I can't imagine how uncomfortable he is all day with them speaking Japanese all day and him just sitting there being odd.  That would be like me working at... 


Okay, so I just spent about 30 minutes trying to come up with some funny end to that sentence and I've got absolutely nothing.  Sorry to disappoint.  I'm gonna go sit in a corner and cry my silly ass to sleep.

Poll #11

Well the results are in and No Shirts triumphs 16 votes to 14.   I have to admit, this was a pretty tough one to answer/predict.  There are some serious pros and cons to both sides.

No Shirts

• Pros
• You get to show off your sweet nips
• Wearing a bow tie actually makes you look sexy instead of like a nerd
• Other people know if you're cold so they turn up the heat without asking
• Cons
• Ability to cover up a lack of abs is taken away
• Unable to do the And 1 move where you put the ball in ur shirt and spin it around

No Pants

• Pros
• No chance of getting caught with your fly down
• No getting pants'd
• Inability to sag pants to look bad ass
• Cons
• No way to cover up erections
• Can't wear high socks for no reason
• Need to wear cool boxers all the time
• Got to be sure you never have any drippage after going to the bathroom

I think from that list it's pretty clear to see why No Shirts came out on top. Make sure you vote in the next poll.

A Special Weekend Post

I saw a guy with frosted tips today.  Didn't know that still existed.  Weird.

And We Have A Winner!

The 10,000th hit has come and gone and I'm proud to announce the winner of the contest was a good friend of mine, PJ Thompson. This is not PJ's first time on WHAT though. In fact I'd you recall from Mr. 3,000,  PJ was also WHAT's 3000th hit as well.

He is on his way to becoming the first member of the Follower Hall of Fame.  This will consist of a limited number of true fans and hardcore followers, so if you even want a chance at getting in, I'd step up your shit.

So back to the contest.  Here is PJ's winning picture.

Also, as soon as I received the picture of #10,000, I shipped PJ his prize (wrapped in tinfoil of course.). Being the nice guy that he is, PJ took a picture of himself wearing his WHAT T-shirt so that I could post it.

 I  dunno about you, but I think he looks great.  I'm drunk tho so don't take my word.

Milestone Time: Who's it Gonna Be?

Well well well... a lot of you people didn't think this day would come.  In fact, I was told that after 3 weeks, I would lose interest and this blog would die.  Well guess what, we just passed the 4 month mark a couple days ago and now we're tiptoeing up to the 10,000 hit line.  My question to you is who is it going to be?

Will it be you Bleeding Balls? One of my most frequent commenters.

Will it be you Frank Reynolds?  My guest poll designer.

Will it be you Kiran?  The only guy that "Likes" my links on Facebook.

Whoever it is, I wanna know! I need mother flippin proof.  Next time you're on WHAT, you check the ticker at the bottom and if you see 10,000, you snap urself a little photo and email it to me at WHATblogspot@gmail.com (for those of you who don't have email on your phone, you can still send a picture message to an email address)

If you send me a picture confirming that you are the 10,000 hit, you will get a one of a kind WHAT T-shirt that will look something like this. 

Oh and by the way, you can only win if you're a follower. So good luck every one.  And let me leave you with the words my mother always told me when I was growing up.  "Adam, if you don't wet the bed tonight, you'll get a prize."

(It was always a bouncy ball, yet since they wrapped it in tinfoil I had no idea what it was)

Throwback #3

Well, what ever day I wrote this Facebook note Throwback was the day I decided to become a movie critic.  Apparently not a good one though as you'll see in Rookie of the Year is so Stupid.

So I'm sitting here watching Rookie of the Year and it hits me that this movie is just so dumb. Here are my reasons

1. A pitcher who only throws a fastball, no matter how hard will not succeed.
2. Rowengardner supposedly throws upper 90s but when the ball is getting to home plate it is moving downward. He's not throwing hard.
3. In the last game, Henry is in the dugout when he is told he's pitching the next inning. A starting pitcher needs much more than half an inning to get his arm ready.
4. Why the Yankees simply buy Henry from the cubs? Why wouldn't there have been some sort of trade involved? Who is he, Babe Ruth?
5. Why cant the manager just remember his fucking name?
6. Why is every player on every other team the dumbest person in the world?
7. His mother is ugly.
8. Are henry and the rocket the only pitchers this team has? You'd think in game 7 of the NLCS, they'd have some pitching ready.
9. Its so stupid, I'm wasting my time writing about it, which means I'm stupid. Which makes this movie even stupider if someone who is equally as stupid can recognize its stupidity.
10. I just farted.

Pretty solid list. Especially about numbers 7 and 10.  

 

Spreading Like Crabs (With Less Itching)

WHAT is on Fire! The last time I updated you guys on how much this blog is spreading through the world, it had been read in 31 states and 23 countries.  Since then we've picked up 4 more states and 4 more countries.  I'm still waiting on Alaska, Washington and Nevada, so lets go! If you know anyone in Alaska especially, link them up and make them a follower.

As far as the countries recently added, we've got Peru, Denmark, Austria and Poland.  I'm amazed that we haven't gotten Mexico yet.  Vamos mis amigos!

Updated List of Countries

North America: USA, Canada, Aruba, Puerto Rico
South America: Brazil, Argentina, Venezuela, Peru 
Europe: UK, Spain, France Germany, Greece, Switzerland, Denmark, Austria, Poland 
Asia: ARMENIA, Russia, India, Japan, Indonesia, Malaysia, Israel, Singapore
Africa: Egypt
Australia: Australia

I'll make you guys a blog deal.  If we can get this blog into 40 states and 30 countries by the end of February, I will personally mail all of my followers an autographed WHAT Blog clementine.  Inside two of those blog clementines will be a golden blog ticket.  With this golden blog ticket, you will be given the privilege (that just took me 7 tries to spell) to take a day long tour through my Blog Factory.  You can eat a handful of Blog straight from the Blog River.  Or you could look at some of the new Blogs currently being worked on in Blog R&D, including a blog all about a guy who sings to himself.  You may even get to pick a ripe Blog from one of our Blog Trees or Blog Shrubs.  Finally, to wrap up the day, we'll take a spin around the factory in my Blogmobile, which is powered purely by Blogoline.  It’ll be blogtasticarooni.

Fact: The percentage of words that were blog or had the word blog in it in that last paragraph was 11.2%

P.S. Check out the new pages located above, Contact Me and About Me.

Really? $1.90?!

So being the healthy minded guy that I am, I went to the gym the other day where I had the most pathetic, useless workout of my life.  I then decided to follow that up with a nice trip over to Taco Bell.  I know right? What better way to follow up a terribly unproductive workout than to suck down a chicken burrito and a 5 layer beefy burrito.  Anyway, I'm sitting there in the drive thru lane and it is just taking forever.  I mean this woman is sitting there, talking to the screen, looking around, talking to the girl in her car for like literally 5 minutes.

At this point I'm thinking, "Come on! I need to eat a mexican pile of shit! Let me order!"  I was so tempted to beep at her and tell her to hurry the frank up. Instead, I rolled down window to try and overhear their conversation and maybe figure out what the hell is taking so long.  I roll down my window just in time to hear the Taco Bell Employee say, "So that will be two crunchy tacos.  You're total is $1.90."  WHAT! $1.90!? What the hell was going on up there?! Like seriously, what could've happened for 5 minutes that would result in an order of just 2 crunchy tacos.  It boggled my already semi-boggled mind. (previously boggled by trying to explain why I was eating at Taco Bell in the first place)

Of course, she decided to wrap up this whole ordeal by only pulling up about 5 feet, keeping me from being able to order, and then sitting there until I beeped at her.  Jesus. 

Poll #10

As you may recall, I allowed my cousin to make this poll because he thought my last poll was below average.  Well you know what?! At least my poll had a result! Who the fuck wants a poll that ends in a tie? No one! That's who! What an idiot!

For those of you who voted for the giraffe in your car: What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously? A giraffe? In you car? Do you even understand how big a giraffe is? There's absolutely no way a giraffe would fit in your car with you! You wouldn't be able to drive anywhere you idiots.  To be honest, I bet most of the people that voted for the giraffe were girls just to avoid having the gecko in ur hand during sex.  I don't know why though.  He's a smart, cultured, insightful person.  Just cuz he's a guy doesn't mean he's not going to have some good pointers for you.  Let's go. Figure it out.

Cosmo, You're an Idiot

Well, now that I'm an integral part of the publishing industry, I find it important to stay up to date on a lot of different mediums.  Anyway, I'm not sure if you guys were aware of it or not but the other day, the magazine Cosmo made the extremely bold announcement that "The Thong is Dead."

FUCK! THAT! SHIT!

Are they out of their minds?  That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.  That's like saying fantasy football is dead or the Big Mac is dead or Pogs are dead.  Well I guess the last one doesn't really fit but you get my point.  It's never gonna happen.  Thongs have been woven into the fabric of this country just like democracy and obesity.  If we don't stand up and fight this as a united front, we will be doomed to encounter pantie lines for the rest of our miserable lives.

Comment and let me know who you agree with.

A Strange Partnership

I was out at a bar the other night waiting in line to go #1 and I watched twice as a pair of girls went into a single bathroom together.  This is something I just cannot comprehend.  Why does this happen?  Are they afraid to be alone?  I mean its a single bathroom so it hard to believe they are concerned about their safety.  Is what they are talking about so important that they can't put the conversation on hold for the 30 seconds it takes to pee?  Having listened to several conversations of Umass undergrad girls, I highly doubt it.

I mean even if they had a good reason to, which I'm sure they don't, it still doesn't take away from the fact that you're stuck in a single bathroom while your friend is peeing.  Guys never do this, ever.  Unless we're at a party or something and we all just go pee in the toilet, shower and sink that the same time but that isn't the case.  If we were to do it though, it would be a little less weird because we at least don't have to take our pants all the way down to get the job done.  It would be like going into a bathroom with one of my friends when he's going to do a twosie (assuming it's not going to smell, in order to equalize the situation) It just doesn't make sense to me.  If you're a girl, and you do this, please explain to me the reasoning you use when you do this. 

I Owned That Girl!

So this took place I think back in October.  I dunno why I waited so long to write about it but it was friggin awesome.  I think I maybe just forgot that it happened until just now.

So I was sitting in traffic on Route 9 one day on my way to school.  I look to my left and see a girl with a book bag on, sprinting up the street.  Right off that bat, that's funny enough.  Everyone looks like an idiot running with a book bag on.  Anyway, I realized that she was running to catch the bus.  I saw that the bus closed its doors and started to pull out, so the girl slowed down to a walk, head held low in defeat.

Then! The bus stops as someone else tries to get on.  This girl sees this as her last chance to get on the bus.  So she turns on the jets again and starts sprinting up the street once more.  Again, the doors close and the bus goes to pull out.  And once again, she slows her pace, breathing heavily and sad she's going to be late for class.

Now, as I mentioned before, I was sitting in traffic and the bus was trying to pull into my lane.  The bus had no where to go so it jut sat still and this is when it happened.  For the third time, this girl put the pedal to the medal and sprinted up the street in a last desperation attempt to catch this God forsaken bus.  Now this is where I come in.

The only reason that this girl still has a chance to catch this bus is because no one is letting the bus into the lane.  I think to myself, "Well Adam, here's your chance to ruin this girls day."  And so of course I took advantage of it.  This girl finally, after starting and stopping 3 times, sprinting nearly 150 yards, gets within about 15 feet of the bus.  I hit the brakes, give a quick flash of my headlights and allow the bus to pull out, leaving this girl behind, exhausted and dejected.

That was awesome!! I was so excited.  I immediately called like 3 people and told them the entire story.  Good times.